MORE INSIGHTS FOR HELPING A CHILD TELL THE TRUTH
Avoid only punishing . Consequences have their place , but merely punishing a child for lying will do more harm than good . What we view as a consequence for sin , the child views as “ You are punishing me because you found out the truth .” As a result , they will only become better at lying .
Avoid scolding . Responding in anger will cause your child to fear ever telling the truth . It is best to calmly talk about what God says about lying , why it is sinful , and how it hurts family relationships .
Avoid calling her a liar . When you are certain that your child has lied , it ’ s best to address that she lied rather than calling her a liar . In calling her a liar , you speak to her identity rather than her sin . You might help her focus on who she is in Christ by saying something such as , “ Sweetheart , you told a lie , but you are a forgiven child of God , and because of His grace , you can walk in truth .” The best thing a parent can do is to take every opportunity to point their children to Jesus and His power to change their lives .
Confess your own struggle and need for Jesus . Be willing to admit if you struggle with lying . Perhaps tell about a time you told a lie , the consequences , and why it would have been much better if you had told the truth . Talk about how you prayed and asked for God ’ s forgiveness and help to be truthful . Being honest with your own struggles and need for God ’ s forgiveness and help will encourage your child to do the same . Pray for yourself and your child with your child .
Model honesty . Statements such as “ of course the Easter Bunny is real ,” or “ your goldfish swam down the toilet , through the pipes , and into the ocean , where he will enjoy happily ever after with Nemo ” are not honest statements . When parents lie in these ways , children will question the line between honesty and dishonesty .
Offer mercy when uncertain . If there is any question about whether or not your child is lying , consider offering mercy . Being accused of lying when the child is telling the truth can be devastating . You wouldn ’ t want to cause her to believe that you are always suspicious or expecting her to lie . If you think your child is lying , but you are uncertain , pray that God will bring it to light . Don ’ t stress that she might be getting away with a lie because of your uncertainty . If she ’ s struggling with lying , she will lie again in a situation where you are certain , allowing you to train her in truth .
Trust the Lord . 1 Corinthians 4:5 tells us that “ He [ God ] will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart .” As much as we desire our children to walk in the light , God desires that even more . Trust in His love . His love never fails . ■
Encourage children to tell the truth with Chloe and the Closet of Secrets : A Children ’ s Book About Lying . A silly story with bright , fun illustrations , this book gives parents a biblical framework and practical suggestions for helping children ( and themselves ) learn to speak the truth .
Available at gingerhubbard . com
Ginger Hubbard , bestselling author of Don ’ t Make Me Count to Three , Chloe and the Closet of Secrets : A Children ’ s Book About Lying , and I Can ’ t Believe You Just Said That , speaks at women ’ s events , parenting conferences , and homeschool conventions and co-hosts the Parenting with Ginger Hubbard podcast . Visit her website at GingerHubbard . com .
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