50 Things
EVERY CHILD NEEDS TO KNOW BEFORE LEAVING HOME
By Dr . Josh Mulvihill
When I was seventeen years old , my parents invited me to join them for breakfast at a local restaurant . Eating out was a special occasion for our family , so I wasn ’ t sure if I was in trouble or being rewarded . It turns out , it had nothing to do with my actions and everything to do with my parents ’ plans . After we sat down for breakfast , my parents slid a piece of paper across the table for me to look at . My dad said , “ Josh , in nine months , you are leaving for college . We want to make sure we have done everything we can to prepare you for adulthood .” “ We want to know ,” added my mom , “ is there anything on this list that you think has not been accomplished in your life ?”
I had never seen that piece of paper before , but when I looked at it , my childhood and teenage years flashed before my eyes . The paper contained approximately fifty bulleted items , and next to each was a checkmark and a date . As I looked at the list , I remembered when my parents taught me how to honor God by managing money through creating savings , giving , and spending accounts . I recalled the many weeks that my parents taught table manners , how to properly address an adult with respect , and how to shake a hand . I remembered when my dad taught me to develop strong academic study skills . I recalled being taught how to pray and read the Bible .
My parents had spent my childhood and teenage years systematically working through the items on that list and wanted me to evaluate it with them so they could put the finishing touches on years of intentional parenting . They had accomplished most of what they set out to do , but I remember one particular item on that piece of paper that I told them they hadn ’ t taught me : small engine repair . Why my parents included that on the list , I will never know . They probably recognized a weakness in me and decided to focus some energy on this area . I told them that small engine repair was a lost cause . To my relief , they crossed it off the list . And to this day , I hire a mechanic if I need work done on my engines . Aside from small engine repair , I gave my parents the green light for everything on the list .
RAISING CHILDREN TO GODLY ADULTHOOD
I hope my parents ’ example encourages you to think seriously about preparing your children for adulthood . Far too few parents have a biblical vision for parenting , and far fewer have a plan to implement it , which leads to all kinds of potential problems , missed opportunities , and decreased effectiveness as parents . Not only do I want to help you avoid that , but I want to help you raise children who are passionate about Jesus , who love God ’ s Word and live according to it , and who become mature adults spiritually , emotionally , intellectually , socially , and financially .
I have been in full-time ministry for more than twenty years , most of that as a pastor , and as I have counseled individuals , I have noticed a few patterns with parents .
We want to succeed . We desire to be good parents . So we read books , listen to preachers , and discuss what works with parents we admire , putting into practice whatever is biblical and makes sense . If I were to ask any parent , “ Do you want to be a good parent ?” the answer would be yes . If success were determined by desire alone , we would have little to worry about . Nobody wants to be a bad parent . Nobody plans for failure . Yet , failure is often the result of a lack of preparation on our part .
We believe we are doing a pretty good job as parents . Most parents believe they are doing a good job . And why wouldn ’ t we ? Our children dominate our thinking . We are concerned with every aspect of our child ’ s well-being . We want whatever is best for our child , and we act accordingly . We invest a significant amount of time , energy , and resources into our child . And so we think , “ What more can I do ?”
Many of us lack a biblical , God-honoring plan . I have not crossed paths with many parents who can clearly and concisely tell me the outcomes they hope to achieve in their child ’ s life and the plan to attain positive results . We ’ re comfortable planning for our retirement , setting goals for our company , and even for ourselves , but many of us have never considered setting goals for what our children will become . And the fact is that many people spend more time planning for a vacation than parenting . We may believe that we can get by with a minimum amount of effort and that we will succeed with the help of others . This is faulty thinking and a critical error that will surely catch up with us . We would never build a house without a blueprint . Inevitably , there would be problems . Yet , many parents attempt to raise
40 THE RENEWANATION REVIEW