The RenewaNation Review 2021-2022 The Collingsworth Family Special Edition | Page 23

Beneath these stories is a view of marriage as a foundation of life , a starting point for other goals . Today , this view has been replaced by a different one , what some call the “ capstone ” view of marriage . In the “ capstone ” view , marriage is a finishing touch to add to a life after individual careers have been achieved , personal goals have been checked off , and we ’ ve discovered “ who we are .”
This massive shift in our ideas about marriage has all kinds of consequences , from delaying weddings ( for many people into their 30 ’ s ) to cratering the fertility rate in most developed nations to normalizing premarital sex and cohabitation . Still , the most consequential changes might be occurring within the Church .
University of Texas sociologist Mark Regnerus tracks these changes in his new book , The Future of Christian Marriage . Regnerus not only described his findings to Shane Morris on the Upstream Podcast , but he also described the dramatic steps that will be required if a culture of marriage is to be restored within the Church .
The Future of Christian Marriage features interviews with numerous Christian young people from seven countries . By being both forward-looking and firmly planted in history , Regnerus traces how marriage went from a natural institution bound up with childbearing and blessed by the Church to one that is now , like so many other things in our culture , determined by adult desires and largely defined ( or should I say redefined ?) by the state .
“ This massive shift in our ideas about marriage has all kinds of consequences , from delaying weddings . . . to cratering the fertility rate . . . to normalizing premarital sex and cohabitation .” itation is quickly becoming a common lifestyle choice , even for young people within the Church .
So , how did we get here ? According to Regnerus , it ’ s complicated . Economic factors , the growing expectation that women will work outside of the home , the normalization of birth control and the resulting “ cheapening ” of sex , and the overall removing of children from the picture have all changed , not only our behavior , but how we think about marriage . Even more , Regnerus suggests that young people , including Christian young people , just aren ’ t that into marriage . In fact , an increasing number is willing to put it off indefinitely .
Here ’ s what he writes in the book : “ The focus of twentysomethings has become less about building mature relationships and fulfilling responsibilities and more about enjoying oneself , traveling , and trying on identities and relationships . . . . We now get ourselves ready for marriage , rather than marry to get ourselves poised to accomplish common objectives — a home , a job , a family . Instead , marriage itself has become one of those objectives , an accomplishment signaling that [ we ] have ‘ made it .’” 1
This is new . Historically , marriage was never considered an optional feature of the Church ’ s life , nor was it a trophy you won after reaching “ adulthood .” God clearly calls some to the single life and elevates their potential for ministry . At the same time , marriage is the picture the Apostle Paul uses to illustrate the love between Jesus and His redeemed . Marriage reorients our energies and affections away from ourselves and toward others in a way nothing else , other than parenting , can .
If we want Christian marriage to have a future , we ’ ll need to change this capstone view . Much of the problem that Regnerus describes in The Future of Christian Marriage is a failure of the imagination and the inability to see marriage as attainable . Among the ambitious and surprising suggestions Regnerus offers is to make sure our kids hear the kind of stories older couples often tell . It ’ s not “ rocket surgery ” to conclude we need to begin by telling the next generation the truth about marriage . ■
One of the most counterintuitive findings in The Future of Christian Marriage is that Christian young people around the world still have a recognizably biblical ideal for what marriage should be . Those he interviewed typically mentioned the idea of a lifelong union of man and woman . Often , they talked about how marriage is a picture of Christ and His Church , as Paul teaches in Ephesians 5 . Many even mentioned that children are part of God ’ s design for marriage .
Tragically , far fewer practice , or even try to practice , this design . The average age at first marriage is nearing historic highs in nearly every country Regnerus studied , and cohab-
John Stonestreet serves as president of the Colson Center for Christian Worldview . He ’ s a sought-after author and speaker on areas of faith and culture , theology , worldview , education , and apologetics . John is the daily voice of BreakPoint , the nationally syndicated commentary on the culture founded by the late Chuck Colson . He is also the voice of The Point , a daily one-minute feature on worldview , apologetics , and cultural issues .
Shane Morris is a senior writer at the Colson Center , where he has been the resident Calvinist and millennial , homeschool grad since 2010 as an intern under Chuck Colson . He writes BreakPoint commentaries and columns . Shane has also written for The Federalist , The Christian Post , and Summit Ministries . He also co-hosts BreakPoint This Week and the BreakPoint podcast .
ENDNOTES 1 . Mark Regnerus , The Future of Christian Marriage ( Oxford University Press , 2020 ), 38 .
Copyright © 2020 by the Colson Center for Christian Worldview . Reprinted from BreakPoint . org with permission .
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