Reclaiming Family:
5 Keys to Passing
on Your Legacy
By Bill High
AT
THE TIME of our nation’s founding, the family
stood front and center as the core pillar of society.
The family was the place where values and economic liveli-
hood met. Americans saw no distinction between family as
the primary means of teaching values and as the primary
means of economic sustainability.
Eventually, our country outgrew that notion. With the
Industrial Revolution, families became separated. Children
became something to support rather than an integral part
of the family farm or business. Life was hard and tough,
and over time, families became increasingly smaller. It costs
money to raise kids.
In many cases, we are outsourcing the creation and teach-
ing of values to public schools and churches—if we even
attend church. The goal is to raise children to independence
so they can stand on their own two feet. I call it the “up and
out” theory: raise them up and move them out.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying our children shouldn’t
be independent. A certain amount of independence is
healthy. However, when independence becomes the prima-
ry goal of parenting, that’s where I think we’ve gone wrong.
The idea of raising our children and moving them out sends
the message that when they are age 18, they are to go off and
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start their own story. We act as if they are starting over—
brand new stories disconnected from the past.
It’s just not true. Their stories are connected to our stories,
and they always will be. Our kids are not just their own
independent novels. Indeed, they are part and parcel of the
larger story of our own family and the families we’ve come
from. They are not independent from our story.
That’s where we as parents need to change our outlook.
Instead of raising children to independence, we must raise
our children to be interdependent. We raise them to realize
they are part of a bigger story. They should draw value from
that story, appreciate it, and learn from its imperfections.
I’ve got four children of my own, two sons-in-law, and two
grandkids. I remember the moment the first little grand-
child came home. It was such a joy to hold my grandson. At
the same time, it was a sobering moment as I realized that I
held the future in my hands—even generations to come. My
children’s and grandchildren’s stories will long outlive mine,
as will their children’s stories to come.
When we learn this lesson—the idea of interdepen-
dence—we gain the most powerful insight. Family legacy is
not just about what I’ve created but about the story that I’m
a part of and share.