E
N
O E
customizing your
parenting so each
child thrives
S I O Z E S
D
T
O
N LL
FIT A
By Dr. Richard Blackaby
I
AM 6’2” TALL, and I have size twelve feet. Long
ago I accepted the fact that “one size does not fit all!”
Occasionally, however, I would forget that this truth
also applies to parenting. It never took long for one of my
children to remind me.
Sometimes I realized my mistake after an awkward
conversation with one of my children while driving them
home from an appointment. At other times, the light would
come on after a tearful conversation at bedtime. The most
painful conversations often occurred during special family
business meetings initiated by one of my offspring. If I got
off easy, it only cost me an expensive family outing, or a
puppy. Other summits, however, motivated me to reevalu-
ate my parenting methods.
I have concluded that many parents are susceptible to
cookie-cutter parenting just as I was. I believe there are at
least four reasons why.
First, parents tend to utilize the same parenting
methodology that their parents used on them. We
parent what we know. Our experience, even when painful,
is our default.
This was never more evident to me than when I chose to
enroll my children in the local public school. My parents
obtained their education in public schools. They naturally
dispatched me, and my four siblings, to public school in like
manner. My father was a Baptist pastor, and he expected his
children to be “salt and light” to their classmates. I certainly
had a few shining moments during my educational odyssey,
but many of my memories are still painful to recall.
I transferred to a new school at the close of third grade
after my father relocated to a new church field. The resident
third grade bully was concerned that I might be tougher than
he was, and he was anxious to assert his alpha male status.
I, on the other hand, desperately wanted to make a friend.
45