strongest choices when they have access to clear and accurate information . But no one around me questioned this problem and I struggled to make sense of the vacuum . I just couldn ’ t understand validating abstinence as an accurate measure of birth control and pushing a pro-life agenda . This thinking felt logical and confirmed by research and , in my mind , had little to do with faith and a lot to do with clear reasoning and knowledge . I used contraception , and , though for the first time I questioned the moral use of such a medication , in the end , I decided that I was not about to give it up to God .
As I sat in my apartment , with George Bush ’ s face beaming in front of the flag , the pop pop of the bullets died down . In the ensuing silence , I realized that I missed home , even though I knew my parents ’ relationship was quickly unraveling . We learned that winter that they would be divorcing . My father moved out that spring . But still , I missed talking with my mother , the honking road rage of Massachusetts drivers , walking my siblings through middle school problems , and the distance that I could comfortably put between me and the love of a church whose price was more than I could afford in my early twenties .
On my flight home after graduation that May , my parents didn ’ t speak to one another ; yet I felt a new confidence that I was on my way to where I needed to be . I would miss the sun in February and the way talking about Aristotle could stretch a glass of wine into an evening lingering on friendship and its relationship to the integrated soul . Most of all , I would miss the simple version of God that dwelt in the Texas dust outside the Church of the Incarnation and being in the presence of those who felt a true belonging both to the place in which they were born and to the One they believed created them . As the homeland of the new president disappeared for the last time , I felt a deep gratitude for the people for whom the love of God and country was entwined deep in their DNA and for the look they gave me into my own .
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