THE P
Snapdragon
RTAL
Slithy Toves
August 2018 Page 5
Snapdragon muses about – not very much
It has been a good year for cherries , cob nuts and grapes but what has happened to the figs ? Ours are small and generally displeasing to the eye . The gardeners were having a debate about the right way to tackle the recalcitrant trees which , as far as I can see , boiled down to the biblical choices of cutting back hard and starting again or the liberal application of dung .
The latter appears to have won out judging by the healthy smells off the dogs and the revolting state of several great-grandchildren . It has also been a good year for rabbits , at least in the over breeding sense , and I ’ d forgotten what fun it is taking boys out lamping in an effort to keep the population down . Lamping , as the name suggests , involves lamps which shed light and the application of shotgun cartridges to the rabbit . The result is lunch .
Things appear to be hotting up in Dublin where the Holy Father is off to in August , to take part in the aftermath of the World Meeting of Families . Post abortion referendum , the tickets are going like wildfire . Given that Dublin and the Pale voted overwhelmingly to permit infanticide , the proper word for the euphemism that is abortion , this would seem to be the common phenomenon that one sees so often in dogs that have done something very wrong . involving homosexual lovers , including $ 1.3 million from a Honduran government grant earmarked for charitable projects which just disappeared . The Bishop ’ s resignation has now been accepted by the Holy See , while everybody tries to work out what to do with him . What about a spot of prosecution ?
This being August we are decamping to Scotland and the joys of grouse moors and salmon runs . It used to be so simple when everyone went by train and the trunks were dispatched PLA ( passenger luggage in advance , for those too young to remember ). Now cars and aeroplanes are involved and the packing is such a bore .
Hats get squashed and hat boxes take up so much room that they get removed from the boots of cars without so much as a by your leave . Everything above the Highland Line is perfect at this time of year , except the midges .
They slink back , keep silence and attempt to ingratiate themselves as best they can . How strange that the Archbishop of Dublin should have sacked the priest in Clonskeagh , Fr James Larkin , who told his congregation that those who voted to permit abortion committed a mortal sin and that they must go to Confession before daring to approach the Lord ’ s Table ( his reasoning being that you don ’ t go to supper with a friend when you ’ ve just killed one of his children ). So old fashioned .
I do hope the Holy Father enjoys himself in Dublin . He deserves it after a long hot summer doing not very much with those at the upper echelons of the Church . Before he packs his artificial shamrocks and polyester green shirts I do hope he manages to deal with the curious case of Bishop Juan Jose Pineda , the Auxiliary Bishop of Tequcigulpa in Honduras , and right-hand man to Cardinal Maradiaga , one of the Pope ’ s closest confidants .
The Bishop is accused of grave sexual misconduct toward seminarians and serious financial misconduct
The only way to deal with them is to have a very smelly French cigarette on the go at all times . Different branches of the family permit children to help out at different ages , my rule is simple : let them light up when they ’ re seven and wave around with gay abandon , but , as President Clinton used to put it , no inhaling .
One of the grandchildren ’ s girlfriend , who is alarmingly well read for a Colombian , has introduced me to the joys of Jonas Jonasson ’ s masterpiece The Hundred Year Old Man Who Climbed Out of the Window and Disappeared .
Quite the funniest thing I ’ ve read this year and the perfect antidote to Scandinavian noir . Without wishing to spoil anything , his insights into old people ’ s homes and Indonesia are so acute that I have resolved never to set foot in either .
Enjoy the thunderstorms and flooding , which will no doubt help deal with the locusts which can ’ t be far behind , but the rain may hasten the necessary plague of frogs . Isn ’ t global warming fun .