ragon
THE
P RTAL
August 2017
Page 5
On the Ocean Wave
Snapdragon has had to explain satire and irony,
and why they are so important
P
erhaps I had better explain how I came to be sitting in a deckchair on an Ocean
Liner, watching the flying fish and the dolphins, with a White Lady in my hand and an
open Aestiva volume of the Roman Breviary on my lap. It’s not that I really drink cocktails
while saying the Divine Office. Although not uncanonical, it’s not quite the thing. My motive
was ulterior.
At the Ordinary’s behest, I was
doing a stint as a Cruise Chaplain.
Money for old rope, I had thought.
But that was before Mrs Silverbridge
decided that she would sit at my table for meals, “so
that you won’t be lonely”. Then she started hunting me
down between meals.
The colonel made clear that this was not,
in his view, the sort of thing one mentioned
in front of ladies. “And what’s it got to
do with your Newman?” he added.
I warmed to my
theme. “Exactly,
Colonnello
I decided to take measures when I noticed that mio.” After all, he
her neckline seemed to be descending at a rate of had addressed me as
approximately four millimetres an hour. We celibates Padre. “Our Patron, Blessed
have to be so careful of millimetres. So I tried dodging John Henry, simply loved getting a
her, but this led to complications when I dodged laugh at the expense of his opponents.
behind the big aspidistra in the corner of the Grand Henry Chadwick described him as a formidable
Court, only to discover that Marilyn, the Methodist controversialist and as supreme a master of irony and
Chaplain, was already there, sharing a few quality satire as any in our literature”.
moments with a petite amie she had recruited from
among the chambermaids. Hence my open Breviary
But la veuve Silverbridge was the sort of woman who
ruse.
disliked social discourse not centred upon herself, so
she hitched a couple more millimetres into view and
But, as subterfuge often does, it just led to trouble. knocked her wineglass over.
“Father Snappy”, said Mrs Silverbridge at dinner time
as we hovered over our starters, “Why do you say
While the stewards were resetting the table, the
your Office in Latin?” Another fellow diner, an almost colonel was revisiting memory lane. “Reminds me …
‘Bateman’ colonel, roared, “Come off it, Padre: what when I was at … school near Slough … they made
is this Anglican Patrimony which the Ordinariate is us read some Greek play … Clouds … some fellow
supposed to be preserving?” I winced.
… Aristo ...” . “Aristophanes, I helpfully murmured.”
Etonians, poor poppets, need all the help they can get.
Like most clergy, I detest ‘religious’ questions,
especially as an accompaniment to quails’ eggs on a
He continued: “You think it’s about an imaginary
bed of Samphire. When the Second Officer, the fourth world, but then you suddenly realise that this Aristo is
on our table, said “Choral Evensong” and gave what I really talking about his own city.” “Mgr Ronald Knox
can only call a camp giggle, I lost my self-control.
made exactly that point”, I added. “He wrote about the
only thing that tyrants fear being laughter. He said that
“Satire and irony”, I snarled. They looked blank. I the satirist is like the little boy who calls out that the
explained: “Satire. Making fun of the high and over- Emperor has no clothes.”
mighty. Exposing the powers that be to ridicule. Swift
did it. Gulliver’s Travels. Made fun of theologians by
The Second Officer pleaded navigational duties and
likening them to Bigendians and Littlendians who departed; the colonel drew me away with promises
fight about which end to crack a boiled egg.” The of brandy, cigars and further discourse about the
Second Officer sniggered and remarked “I liked the bit Anglican Patrimony. As we left the table and the
where Gulliver extinguished the Lilliputian Palace fire widow, I could not but notice that every millimetre
by urinating on it.”
was vibrating with rage.