Community Columns 33
Ponte Vedra Recorder · October 15, 2015
How ‘noisy’ is it inside your head?
Dear Neil: You have recently
written about our “inner critic” and
how we handle our mistakes. I seem
to be forever plagued by emotionally
wrenching emotions. I am pregnant, and I am
extremely torn
about what to do.
On the one hand,
I would love to
have a child. On
the other hand,
I’m not in a committed relationship, and I do not
want to raise a
Neil Rosenthal
child alone.
I’m also
plagued by wincing at what I said
in the past, or how I said it or how
I handled a situation. In addition, I
forever have a “to do” list that keeps
churning inside of my head. Inter-
nally, I’m a wreck. I can’t sleep, and
I’m having a hard time concentrating.
—Tortured in Australia
Dear Tortured: You are describing “inner noise.” You have several
unresolved internal struggles going on at the same time, which is
why you’re feeling so plagued and
tortured by competing thoughts,
desires and feelings. Many people —
not just you — are so noisy inside
that they can barely pay attention to
other people, events and emotions
around them.
The way to lessen this internal
noise is give it expression. Different emotions and thoughts inside of
you are trying to express themselves.
Here’s how you can allow them
expression.
Invite the emotions within you
that represent “have the baby” to
express themselves. If you do this in
writing you can look at it at a later
date — otherwise you are likely to
forget many of the things that side
of you says. Then invite the emotion
“this is the wrong time” to express
itself. After that, invite the part of
you that is critiquing and criticizing you for your past behaviors that
make you feel embarrassed about
something you said or did. Give
these emotions full voice and an unedited license to express themselves.
Then allow your “higher self” expression. This is the part of you that
sees beyond your errors or miscues,
to your intentions. It sees the “you”
that tries hard and is sincere and
genuine. This is the side of you that
loves and respects you, that wants
the best for you, that tries hard to do
the right thing and that is friendly
and compassionate toward you.
In the same fashion, you can
invite your hurt to express itself,
as well as your vulnerability, your
hope, your anger, your anxiety, your
sadness, your fear and so on. Any
internal struggle can be dialogued
out using this basic script. One book
that explains this process is Embracing Our Selves by Hal and Sidra
Stone. If you invite the various emotions, thoughts, fears and feelings
within you clear full expression, it
will be less noisy inside your head.
Neil Rosenthal is a licensed marriage and
family therapist in Westminster and Boulder, Colorado. His column is in its 23rd
year of publication, and is syndicated
around the world. You can reach him at
(303)758-8777, or email him through his
website: www.heartrelationships.com.
He is the author of the new book: “Love,
Sex and Staying Warm: Keeping the
Flame Alive”.
The two sides to traveling
Bonnie Talley
Quiltlady
Wow, going to Italy was another
dream come true. Having been there
several years ago, I was expecting the
‘same ole, same ole;’ beautiful skies, gorgeous blue waters of the Mediterranean,
and hillsides full of grapevines. I was not
disappointed. It was all still there. What
I was not expecting was the number of
people who were doing the same thing
that I was doing. If you happen to think
that folks are not traveling as much as
they used to, think again. I believe that
every person on the planet watches Rick
Steve’s Travel Logs on TV and hears him
say, “Keep on Traveling,” and so they do!
The trip over was uneventful, thank
goodness. Airlines were on time and
going through customs was a breeze.
More and more people speak English
over there, so that was not a problem. The problem started after we had
checked into our lovely first class hotel
and turned on the not so hot water jet
in the shower. A quick call to the front
desk and we heard that there was a
little problem throughout the hotel,
but it would be fixed post haste. Great!
Hearing this same answer every time
we called for the next three days, did
not make for happy thoughts.
Needless to say, the topic of conversation at breakfast every morning
was the same, except that tempers
were flaring more and more every day.
Everyone was trapped into this same
situation due to the fact that it was
“Fashion Week” in Milan, and no other
hotel had any empty rooms. It got to
be almost funny how the ‘cold shower’
seemed to get a little warmer as the
days went by. I had just never had a really cold shower; invigorating at least!
Arriving home this week, I found a
note in my mail that the unmentioned
hotel is refunding all of our money for
those three cold shower nights; but
the jokes, etc. that went on about the
problem will be with me always, so
“Keep on Traveling!” That was the first
of our adventures on this trip.
I travel with a group called “Traveling Together.” The tours are for quilters
and some knitters. We visit museums,
factories, quilt shops, see demonstrations of techniques, etc. that are of
great interest. There were 40 of us
from the U.S. and parts of Canada.
Many of them have been on trips that I
have taken in the past, so it was great
fun being with them again.
While in Milan, the fashion conscious models were on the streets
everywhere we looked. We all laughed
that we really looked pretty ‘hokey’ up
beside them. The tattoos were the most
outlandish that I have seen. What a ridiculous looking group all of them will
be when they are in their 80’s. I would
venture to say that they will be ‘side
show’ material. I shall encourage my
grandchildren to go into the ‘tattoo removal business’ as it will be a thriving
way to make a living in a few years.
I always get so much inspiration for
quilting on these trips. I can’t wait to
start my new wall hanging that will
The Galleria in Milan
entail the sights and sounds in Milan.
The Galleria there is one of the most
beautiful shopping malls I have ever
seen. The frescos above the crowd
look as though Michelangelo had been
there. I’ll be sharing some of the sig ]