the f word
by Destiny Jackson
This word made me cringe , honestly it made me want to vomit . Why should I forgive the monster that violated me ? Hurt me . Destroyed my family . Abused me sexually , physically , and mentally . It was the longest seven years of my life , or so I thought , walking out of that . The healing and letting go were long years , too .
For so long I lived numb , just a hollow shell . It was like I was in a coma ; I didn ’ t want to live but didn ’ t want to die either . At the same time , I didn ’ t want anyone to know . So I wore a mask , always pretending everything was fine . But over time , the mask started to get heavy , it started to crack . So I would quickly fill those cracks with things I thought would give me life like shopping , drinking , sex , and so on . None of that brought real life to me , only more emptiness . So I would put on another mask , until I wore so many , I lost myself even further . Until I didn ’ t even recognize my own self in the mirror .
Let me ask you this , how many masks are you wearing ? Are they getting heavy ? Are you ready to get rid of them ? As the years went by , I would take a few steps forward in healing then 100 steps backward . The pattern kept repeating itself . I was exhausted , I didn ’ t want this to be my life anymore . I read a verse from Isaiah 53 , “ By His wounds we are healed .” I realized I could be healed if I let Him into my life . He had already died for me and took this on Himself for me to be free .
Then as I really studied this whole chapter , I realized the healing wasn ’ t just for me . It was for everyone who was hurting . That seemed great until I realized this healing , this freedom , and this forgiveness was for my abuser as well ! I had to wrestle with God on that ! It didn ’ t seem fair to me . But this is the beauty of the Cross , it is for all . It ’ s for the wounded and the ones that are wounded . It is for all who accept His sacrifice on that Cross . His love has no limits . His forgiveness has no end , so why should ours ?
I encourage you to read all of Isaiah . You will find Jesus throughout the whole book . These words are proof that He understands where we ’ ve been . Have you felt like your life has been on dry ground ? Have you felt unattractive and undesirable ? Have you been despised and rejected ? Have people hid their faces from you ? This is the beginning of that chapter . I know I have felt all of those things and He has too , but He did nothing wrong , nothing to be ashamed of , all He did was love us to the point of His own death .
Jesus , this is my prayer for all of those reading these words . That they would let go of the hurt that has happened in their lives , that they would forgive themselves for things they have done , and forgive others for what they have done to hurt them . Just like You did for us , forgiving all of us before we were even born . I ask that you would open their eyes to see others the way You see them . Lord , give them strength on this journey , the journey to forgiveness is a hard road . Be with them , thank you , and amen .
But He was pierced for our transgressions , He was crushed for our iniquities ; the punishment that brought us peace was on Him , and by His wounds we are healed .
Isaiah 53:5
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