The Parade February 2013 | Page 51

Culture, Health & Society myths about violence a female parishioner died of wounds sustained from beatings, and the pastor kept urging the woman to pray hard for divine intervention in her marriage. In addition, women in violent relationships are firm believers that long standing abusive relationships can change for the better, an elusive dream that most women never realise till death. According to Tatenda Chagonda, a family therapist and counselor with Connect, the cycle of battering incidents manifests in three phases. Firstly, minor battering incidents occur and tension escalates. Secondly, acute battering and uncontrollable discharge manifests. The third phase is where the batterer miraculously transforms to being loving and contrite. Some batterers even buy pain killers and gifts for their wives during the phase. This lulls women into a false sense of security, yet battering remains a cycle. According to psychologists, batterers remain batterers. Reports indicate that although it is difficult to tell if one is a batterer, women should always look out for smallest signs of wife battering like when a husband or boyfriend jokes about hitting you some day. Psychologists say that, discovering the true character of the other person when they least expect it is easier. You get reliable information when your partner is excited, joking or when he says things sub-consciously. Battered women have low self esteem and believe all myths about battering relationships, believing that no one except themselves will be able to help them resolve their predicament, usually using sex as a way to establish intimacy and closeness. Reports beforehand indicate that men who batter women are pathologically jealous and blame others for their actions. In most instances, they do not believe that their violent behavior has negative consequences. Usually battered women appreciate the inappropriateness of their behavior but harbor deep fears pertaining to retaliation, separation and abandonment, further abuse and social stigmatisation. According to research, children in violent families suffer from poor communication. Psychologists say that they lack trust and at times have depression or suicidal ideation. Moreover, psychologists warn that family disorder affects children. They may engage in antisocial behavior like substance abuse or suicidal attempts that may lead to actual suicide. Domestic violence is a curse which needs more than the law to be addressed. TP The Parade - Zimbabwe’s Most Read Lifestyle Magazine February 2013 Page 51