PADDLER
PADDLER
Forty-some years ago , I did 80 in a week in Boy Scouts . I even had the commemorative patch stitched on my life jacket . But I didn ’ t think Jussi would be impressed . My girlfriend , Tina , and I remained silent . Eventually , even the most loquacious Finns will get the hint .
Jussi pitched his tent on a platform near us and unpacked his Primus . He made a meal of scallions , potatoes , garlic , and boiled eggs . We ’ d already eaten , so we sat in our lounge chairs , drank wine , and gazed out over the lake ’ s glass-like surface . After his soup , Jussi came and sat next to us .
“ There ’ s nothing like a Karelian sunset !” he declared and then released a fart lasting several seconds . I looked at Tina . She looked at me . Jussi looked at the sunset .
RUSSIANS AND GERMANS
“ The damned Russians took over 35,000 square kilometres from us .” Jussi released another fart . This one travelled out over the still water , echoed off the bluffs and returned to us . “ And then they come to Kolovesi , and we have to put instructions in the toilets for them .” This was true . Every toilet in Kolovesi had an illustration with Russian-language text explaining that toilet rings were not for standing on .
“ Now it ’ s the Germans ,” he ranted , releasing three staccato farts . “ They ’ re everywhere . I bet you saw some on the water today .” This was true , as well . We ’ d seen a German at the Kirkkoranta put-in who had canoed a week in his handmade cedar-strip canoe . This kind of canoeist , the one who builds his own boat , exists on a higher plane of humanity and , is worthy of adulation . “ I bet you saw that family !” I wondered what Jussi had against families . It was true a German-speaking family had commandeered almost the entire Laajakaarre campground , including the public areas , leaving only one tent platform . Tina and I stopped to look but decided not to stay . We ’ d not come looking for a Swiss Family Robinson experience .
“ Where are you from ?” Jussi asked . I was tempted to answer Germany or Russia , but he probably wouldn ’ t have batted an eye . After all , this was a man with demonstrably few social reservations . Tina and I no longer looked at each other when he farted . In our campsite , it had suddenly become no more unusual than coughing .
“ The US ,” I answered . “ You ’ ve come a long way .”
“ Indeed .” It was a lot farther than 20 kilometres . If this was a competition , then I was winning this part .
“ Well ,” Jussi said , “ I ’ m going to turn in . I ’ m getting up early .” He stood and went to the water ’ s edge , where he arched his back dramatically with his hands on his hips .
“ Do you think he ’ s going to urinate into the lake ?” Tina whispered . Instead , Jussi bent down , quickly washed his dishes , and returned silently to his tent .
THE CAVE PAINTINGS AT UKONVUORI
We were on the water the next day before Jussi was out of bed . Tina and I were bound for the cave paintings at Ukonvuori , a 5,000-year-old pictograph from the early Pit-Comb Ware culture . We ’ d only been able to find a poor-quality , downloadable map of Kolovesi National Park , so we weren ’ t sure exactly how far away it was . But the weather was nice , and many day trippers were in the park . After an hour of paddling , we could see they were all converging on Ukonvuori .
Just like Jussi predicted , the place was full of Germans . We could hear them before we saw them . We secured our canoe to a tree and headed up the cliff face , where we encountered a young German pair on the way down .
“ Were they spectacular ?”
“ I ’ m not sure we saw them ,” the girl answered . “ You have to use your imagination .” Tina and I hiked the rest of the way up and stood on an observation platform , squinting .
“ Do you see them ?”
“ I ’ m not sure ,” she answered . “ It kind of looks like someone rubbed berry juice on that rock .”