PADDLER 89
Getting to grips with fear and
ANXIETY
Words & photos : Simon Wyndham I ’ ve dealt with head games since I began white water kayaking . I ’ ve never been one of those people who could just stick themselves into a hole or feature and laugh as I discover what happens if I try it . It most likely stems from the fact that I am not a natural in the water , having spent most of my adult life unable to swim . I had to teach myself to do so to fulfil my ambition to be able to go kayaking .
Fast forward from my initial kayaking beginnings , and I have become much more confident . I was pushing myself more on rivers and embraced the freestyle world despite being about as useful as a chocolate teapot at it . The important thing was that I lost much of my fear of going into features , and I had an excellent roll that I had complete confidence in .
I enjoyed the sensation of being upside down , and I could fully relax when it happened , confident that I could roll up . Fast forward a bit further , and those head games crept in again . This was around 2018 when my partner and I went on what was the trip of a lifetime to Uganda . Something clicked within me that meant I couldn ’ t fully take advantage of the opportunities I was given on that river . Since then , particularly after the global pandemic hit , my confidence declined even further .
When my partner passed away from sarcoma , it became even worse . It reached the point where I couldn ’ t even get on the river . I ’ d turn up to places like HPP and have a full-on meltdown inside , meaning I ’ d travelled there for no reason other than to watch others having fun on the water while getting increasingly frustrated with myself . So bad did the head games become that I have come close to hanging up my paddles several times in the past couple of years . But , I know in my heart that I still love kayaking and want to be on the water , and I eventually decided that enough was enough and sought out the help of a sports psychologist .
I ’ m still battling with my head now , but I want to share with you some of the things that were suggested to me that may help anyone reading this who is going through similar problems . My advice is no substitute for going to a sports psychologist to find out your individual factors , but I want to share a few key points with you . This will not be a thorough deep dive , but I hope that I can give some advice , to help some of you move forward or take things further . Selfishly , it ’ s also a recap for me .
Anyone who is going through psychological games with their boating knows that they appear irrational . Those who don ’ t have such problems can ’ t understand why someone could be scared of a small feature somewhere when that same person has also successfully paddled on much bigger and more powerful white water in the past . This also means that a lot of other paddlers , usually with the best intentions , offer advice that isn ’ t helpful at all .
Much of the advice is suited to generally confident people who might need a little nudge with particular rapids or features , not those who are going through chronic issues .
WHAT CAUSES YOUR INDIVIDUAL ANXIETIES ?
One of the first things to do is to write down what individual things cause your river anxiety on paper . It ’ s amazing what can cause our anxiety levels to rise . It could be simple things like delays getting onto the river by people taking ages to get changed or to run the shuttle . It can be fear of making mistakes in front of people because you hold yourself to a high standard or you believe people think you should be better than you are . You might feel worse during cold , cloudy weather rather than sunny conditions .
Note all these individual factors . Think about them carefully and be honest with yourself . Think about specific times when you have felt fear and anxiety , whether it ’ s on the drive to the river or on the river itself , and do a deep dive into the details of what you were thinking at the time .
UNDERSTANDING WHY
One of the next things to do is to understand what fear is . Fear forms part of our fight or flight response , but it ’ s also connected to something else : the general human mindset . Guess how many negative thoughts versus positive ones the average person has per day ? I bet you think those thoughts will be mostly positive with a generally positive person , right ? Wrong . On average , a human thinks around 60k to 70k thoughts daily , and around 80 % are negative .
PADDLER 89