ThePADDLER 8
In a similar vein , there is Mike Jones again in the Blue Nile Expedition . One of the ‘ action scenes ’ is a paddler in the group having his black leather office shoes polished by a street boy . Then there ’ s the first legal descent of Niagara Gorge . The commentary in all these is what makes it magically funny . Or the fact that they do ‘ Eskimo rolls ’ as a victory flourish . Or try the one about the first Brits to do the Colorado . They turn up in a cattle truck stacked with beer . “ Some of them don ’ t even know each other ,” marvels the commentator . No , you don ’ t say !
It was my first time there , and there was something undoubtedly sinister about the grey water , the sound , the ‘ danger of drowning ’ red noticeboards , and the travellator eddy that takes you up to the wave like a rip current , one paddle blade scraping against the wall . I was with a small group of friends , who shall all remain nameless , and I noticed one of them hyperventilating before rides , the look upon his face one of unwilling determination – the courage of the donkey , not the lion . “ What ’ s with the heavy breathing ,” I asked him . “ Don ’ t you do that before you get in there ?” he asked , surprised . “ So if it goes … you know … badly wrong , you ’ ll have longer to live ?” Here ’ s a GOOD whitewater kayaking tip : if you have to laugh so hard you can hardly breathe , don ’ t lean back on your deck . Maintain a neutral , upright position , so you don ’ t flip .
The editor of this magazine asked us in lockdown one : if you could paddle anywhere , where would it be ? I can ’ t remember what I said back then , but there ’ s only ever been one correct answer : the Grand Canyon . Always has been , always will be . But you know , seriously , right now , I ’ d settle for three gates , some sun ( or at least water and ambient temp both in double digits ) and a belly laugh . On a good day , that ’ s as good as anything . Roll on spring , roll on freedom . See you on the artificial whitewater course .
The Grand Canyon . Photo : Nick Troutman