I AM indebted to fellow contributor to this esteemed organ , Mr George Monbiot , for providing a solution to a problem that has occupied my waking hours for some considerable period of time . I refer of course to the world ’ s ever expanding population numbers and the stress that this places on finite stocks of natural resources . We simply cannot go on denuding the planet of scarce plants and minerals to cater for the insatiable demands of our everexpanding consumer base .

For years , we have tried to persuade the masses to produce fewer offspring by offering sex education at every level from primary schools in Not So Great Britain to native villages in deepest Africa ; some countries , China for example , have adopted a rather extreme stance by imposing legal constraints on human propagation .

On the other hand , Il Papa and the Catholic Church encourage unbridled population growth through their refusal to endorse the use of contraception .

NOT so long ago , when holidaying on the Costa del Sol , it was generally considered the norm to shoot off a roll of Kodachrome on one ’ s Box Brownie or similar and then drop it in to Boots where white-coated technicians would develop it and would prepare your set of 3x2s for collection sometimes in less than ten days .

Technology improved and eventually it became possible to get your prints back from the chemist after little more than two hours . The pictures were still as bad and out of focus but at least you could get annoyed with them more quickly . Then came the advent of the digital camera which made us all believe we are the new incarnation of David Bailey . Download your own snaps onto the computer , slice and dice them , crop them , enhance them , rotate them or turn them into calendars that friend and family alike will forever deride .

Regardless of the technology employed , the complete process has remained fundamentally unchanged : first , take photographs , then “ develop ” pictures . This will be followed by a very short period when boring everyone

What Mr Monbiot has done is not just to remind us of the historical precedent for the predicament in which we will soon be immersed , but he has also given clear guidance on how this deleterious situation might be resolved . In a recent article about the coming ecological crisis he cites the people of

within earshot with lengthy explanations about infinitesimal details captured in the pictures will become de rigour .

Once this phase has passed , the pictures will be placed in a biscuit tin to be stored in back of the wardrobe in the spare bedroom ( more recently , stored in remote files on laptop computer ).

If ever said pictures are taken out of biscuit tin or inaccessible computer file is opened it is inevitable that the conversation will be along the lines of : Where were we when you took this one ? Who is that standing next to your sister , Maud ? Was this in Ibiza or Chernobyl ? What on earth was your mother wearing ? Argument will then rage for an hour or two mainly centring on your rude comments about her mother ’ s frock but failing to positively identify anyone other than the repugnant sister-in-law with any degree of certainty .

The lid will then be replaced on the biscuit tin or metaphorically on the computer file , neither of which will be reopened for a least a year and probably much longer .

The more things change , the more they stay the same .

Easter Island who exhausted their stocks of trees and , presumably , food when the population outgrew its ability to sustain itself .

The Easter Islanders adopted a practice which both satisfied and reduced demand in one fell swoop . It was , of course , cannibalism .

ISN ’ T it wonderful ! The odious Gordon Brown pitches up in Washington to join with the leaders of the top 20 economies in the world in an attempt to seek a resolution to the current financial crisis . He speaks of “ extraordinary times requiring extraordinary measures ,” but he forgets to mention that , as the “ Prudent Chancellor ,” he is directly responsible for many of the problems that now beset us .

Shall we start with the rape of the nation ’ s pensions plans ? How about the persecution of taxpayers through excessive VAT on alcohol and petrol ? Let us not forget the 10p tax debacle where millions of workers on statuary minimum pay ended up contributing more as the lower tax band was eliminated .

Should we ignore the fact that for ten years , while he was both Chancellor and unelected Prime Minister , he patently ignored the greed and intemperance of the UK ’ s banking system and allowed its profligacy to continue sans regulation ? Under the governance of Gordon Brown , sterling has been reduced to the status of the old Italian lira . Naïve friends tell me that this is a deliberate ploy to make UK exports more competitive . However , on the basis that industry in the UK has all but been eradicated in the last decade and that we are witnessing the final melt down of the banking and financial sector , I do not believe them .

It was not so long ago that it was possible to get a 100 per cent mortgage on a one-bedroom bus shelter in Bradford . Now , you will be lucky if : ( a ) your preferred mortgage provider is still in business , and ( b ) it still offers mortgages on terms that will consume less than 110 per cent of your takehome salary in easy monthly instalments .

A Bradford bus shelter

SOME of you may have read recent press articles announcing the discovery of methane in the Martian atmosphere , and you might have also seen that this discovery is being linked to life on the Red Planet . So how accurate is this information and how much credence should we place on the Life on Mars claims ?

The data in question has been obtained by a highly sophisticated satellite that has been orbiting Mars for some time now . Called the ‘ Mars Express ,’ the satellite – which uses a special device called a Planetary Fourier Spectrometer ( PFS ) – had previously detected atmospheric water vapour between 10 and 15 kilometres above the surface . Now , it has been shown that closer to the planet ’ s surface , this water vapour is two to three times more concentrated in three equatorial regions than in other areas .

More significantly , concentrations of methane gas have also been discovered in those same areas ; if the measurements are correct then this is potentially a very significant discovery , for reasons which I will explain .

Doubtful

Let me stress that many scientists doubt the data is real and are waiting for more evidence . But if the methane findings can be substantiated , then there

A diagram to demonstrate the equator of Mars

are several possible sources . It could be volcanic in origin , or it could have been produced by a chemical reaction between water and sub-surface rocks .

However , because the methane has been detected close to

How the methane ( blue spheres ) would look

the regions where water vapour has also been found , it data and time to analyse what

tists are saying they need more

is tempting to speculate on a has been claimed so far . common origin – possible mi-

It is easy to see why everyone

crobial life .

This third possibility is exciting , because discovering life on another planet has long been the Holy Grail of planetary scientists as it would show that life on Earth is not unique .

Although it is still complete speculation , one theory being worked on is that methane-producing bacteria ( called methanogens ) may live in water below a layer of ice that is thought to lie just below the dusty surface . Methanogens are microbes that produce methane as a waste product of their life process , and the gas is then released to the surface and into the atmosphere .

Greenhouse effect

So there is great excitement in some areas of planetary science , but here is where a note of caution is called for . Whenever we get a tantalising glimpse like this , it can be difficult to remain objective as it is tempting to select data which fits your theory . There are many examples I could cite , but let us just say that selective use of data like this can be very misleading and is frankly non-scientific . This is why a number of scientists remain sceptical , not just of the theory of a possible bacterial origin for the methane , but even about whether methane has been detected . Some of the foremost scien-

GAS : The red areas show the methane

is so excited . Mars is the planet in our solar system which most closely resembles Earth . Apart from Mercury , which is far too close to the Sun to support life , and Venus - much too hot , with a runaway greenhouse effect - Mars is the only other planet to have a rocky surface , perhaps making it easier for life to gain a foothold .

Earlier this year , NASA announced that its surface rover , Opportunity had found evidence that water once soaked the planet , and pictures from the rover ’ s panoramic imager revealed salt-laden sediments that would have been shaped by flowing water or maybe a great Martian lake or sea .

Mars may not have only been wetter in the past , but could have had a denser atmosphere . So there is the possibility that life arose on Mars , only to die out as conditions on the planet changed . If these latest measurement are indeed caused by microbial life then this would be a great discovery .

Watch this space . We will be hearing more about this

SUDOKU : Complete the boxes above using the numbers 1-9 . Numbers cannot be repeated in the same box or on the same line .