The OJCL Torch Fall 2015 | Page 11

Fall 2015 Dear Sextus By Kasey Siciliano, McAuley Dear Sextus I really like this girl, but she’s my mom. What should I do? -Confused About Life  Dear Sextus, Will you write my English essay for me? I know you speak Latin, but I need help. PLEASE? -Struggling Student Dear Confused About Life, DO NOT MARRY HER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!!! It will end badly. -Sextus Dear Struggling Student, I am not familiar with this English you speak of. -Sextus Dear Sextus, You’re soooooo cute! I want to be your bae... Can I? -Your Secret Admirer Dear Sextus, What’s your favorite way to annoy Flavia et Cornelia? -Puer Molestus Dear Secret Admirer, I only have eyes for Flavia. Sorry. -Sextus Dear Puer Molestus, This is an advice column. -Sextus Dear Sextus, My uncle kidnapped me and my mom has created winter. I’m getting hungry. What should I eat? Fer auxillium! -Kidnapped Niece Dear Sextus, I have a headache… I think I am a child