ARTICLE
DIARY OF...
PATIENT ZERO
A
By Helena Wachhaus
nd here is where I’d say something like,
to drain the green gunk from my chest twice a day -
“dear diary,” “dear journal,” or “dear
they hope that it’ll help them identify what’s killing
anyone who actually cares and isn’t a doctor trying
me - but it’s past lunch and she’s not here yet. Which
to find a gateway into my psyche.” Who am I trying
is kind of weird, because she really likes using huge
to kid, I’m writing this on a sheet of paper I stole
needles. I don’t even mind the pain, paralyzation
off of one of their clipboards, there’s even check
is a blessing because I can’t feel anything. Plus,
boxes for symptoms on the back. The only person
it’s pretty hard to be afraid of needles when you’re
who is going to get their hands on this works here.
dying. That kind of thing loses meaning after the
So, hello Dr. So-and-So and hello to you Nurse
first few hours. Anyway, I’m not holding my breath.
Bustier-Than-a-Bar-Wench. I’ll be interested to
What the doctors have said is that this was
hear the insight this scrap of paper brought you.
never supposed to happen. I mean, I’m part spider,
Well, greetings and salutations, whoever you
you’d think I at least have some immunity to being
are, I