The New Jersey Police Chief Magazine | May 2021 Meet the NJSACOP Command & Leadership Academy Faculty
This month our faculty member , Autumn Tuxward , provided an article related to her experience as a supervisor and lessons learned through the Command and Leadership Academy .
Autumn M . Tuxward Paramedic Lieutenant New Castle County Emergency Medical Services Command and Leadership Academy Faculty Member
My name is Autumn Tuxward , and I am a Lieutenant for New Castle County Emergency Medical Services in Delaware . I ’ ve been in an official leadership role since 2015 when I was promoted to Sergeant , but I was in leadership roles well before the stripes and bars came . I am a mother , a mentor , an advocate , I host a podcast and I teach . In every one of these roles , I ’ ve learned things about life , people and myself that continue to help make me a better person and therefore a better leader . Leadership can mean so many things and look so many ways that it ’ s impossible to nail down every possible point in one place . That ’ s why it ’ s so imperative that we continue to seek perspective , insight and commit to lifelong growth . I ’ ve learned a lot of lessons along the way more than could be possibly shared in one article , but I think these five have served me well , they may seem a little odd at first but stay with me ... I promise I ’ m going somewhere with this ...
1 . Be a monster For three years I spent time in the role of drill instructor , a role that quite honestly felt very foreign to me . The idea of being well . … frankly … a monster , terrorizing unsuspecting recruits eight hours a day five days a week and occasionally on Sunday , if they were lucky was a bit unnerving to someone who generally prides themselves on being , put simply … nice . For those of you who have participated in this type of setting I ’ m sure you are cringing at my perceived ignorance of the spirit of the academy , but don ’ t worry I figure it out , stay with me . For months I was hated by every recruit and several paramedics in our division who didn ’ t understand or agree with the employed tactics used to instill discipline , loyalty , teamwork , honesty , professionalism , and integrity aka the core values . Now part of what happens next is because I ’ m stubborn and refuse to be controlled by the opinions of others but mainly what happens were the fruits of perseverance . I realized that by turning off the noise and focusing on not only what I was doing but why I was doing it I was able to push past the uncomfortable and unpleasurable feelings of being disliked , excluded , misunderstood , vilified , ran through the rumor mill and relegated to the “ just being tolerated ” section . The reason you ask . Because something began to happen in the recruits . It was hard to recognize at first , you would have missed it if you weren ’ t looking for it , even they didn ’ t see it … growth . They began to get better , not only as students , and employees but as people . They actually started to be better people . All the hard conversations , telling them when they were wrong , forcing them to think , and try harder . Telling them NO , knowing it was going to create more work for me right now , when a yes would have just been easier by making them someone else ’ s problem later . Pushing an issue , not because I legitimately cared about the circumstances themselves but because the principles were essential to their long-term success . All of it , the tears ( and there were a lot ... some of mine , they don ’ t know that , mostly theirs ) the dirty looks , and Lord , the pain … was all worth it . When I saw them standing on that stage graduating looking like refined gold , being rewarded for completing one of the hardest journeys they ’ d ever taken . Knowing that they ’ d gotten there because I didn ’ t allow my leadership to be compromised by my own need to be liked , it made all of it worth it . I ’ d always been taught as a leader , a partial sign you are doing well is if you are liked by your people . That is in part true , there ’ s more . Leadership is not about you , and it ’ s not a popularity contest . Desiring to be a leader that is liked simply because you can tell a joke , give favors and ignore confrontation , is not the “ thing ”, in fact it ’ s the exact opposite of the “ thing ”. A good leader puts focus into trying to get people to like them . A great leader … trusts the process . This leader focuses on doing the hard things because the hard things make us excellent . This leader isn ’ t afraid to be the monster in the room . This leader understands that sometimes saying no is more loving than saying yes , that for the good of the employee and the vision of the department looking beyond temporary comforts is necessary and mandatory . This leader has eyes that see beyond the temporary discomfort of today .
2 . Being right ain ’ t everything As a mom a lot of my conversations with my kids ended with “ Because I said so ”. This was the answer to everything . “ Can I have a snack ? Go to my friend ’ s house ? Wear makeup ? Date ? Breathe ?”... NO , because I said so . This answer was great , my authority made it so , and it was easy . I didn ’ t have to think about if what they were asking made sense , was fair or reasonable . I didn ’ t have to compromise or even hear their perspective , my title of mom gave me carte blanche , I had age , money , heck the law on my side . Mom 1 , Kids 0 . Winning right ? Wrong ... crazy thing is ... my kids stopped talking to me about things . They stopped seeking my input , my perspective , my approval , my permission . They only brought the topics to me that they absolutely had to and those they did reluctantly with talking points and rebuttal research in hand . Nothing was authentic or fluid . Our conversations no longer felt like team building interactions . I say team building because what is a family if not a team , your life team , and conversations should always be with the intent to build each other , build bonds , build trust , build strength , understanding , character , and love . They instead felt like debate prep . We became adversaries , two people on the opposite side of an argument looking to prove a point vs . looking to figure out how to come together to solve an issue that involved and affected us both . It sucked . The high of the temporary victory of throwing my weight around lasted just as long as it took to isolate and alienate me from my kids . It was a hard lesson to learn and even harder to come back from , but I learned that being right isn ’ t always right , but having peace is . Now don ’ t get me wrong when I say peace that doesn ’ t mean that I ’ m saying be a doormat , with your kids , or employees . I ’ m saying that if peace is your motivating force it will cause you to use a different tone , even when correcting others . It will make you listen and consider , inspire you to give others a chance , allow ideas not like your own to flourish and succeed . It will push you beyond your comfort level . The reward ? A team ... oh and in case you ’ re wondering … my kids and I now have a very open and honest communicative relationship ; they come to me because they trust they will be heard and they respect my position because they know I speak from a place of wanting them , and in turn , our family to prosper , and not just because I said so ...
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