FINAL WORD
Is it the most wonderful time of the year?
Daniel J. Calderón
It’s a bright season, isn’t it? It’s supposed to be the season of silver bells,
tinsel and sparkling trees lighting up
stores and homes around the country.
Thanksgiving
has come
and gone and
now is the
right time for
Christmas
decorations
to go up
around the
country.
Carols and
assorted
Christmas
tunes should be playing on radio stations while friends and family should be
looking forward to merry get togethers
and overindulgence in food from binges
that most of us are going to regret the
week after they happen.
But, what about the shadows?
What about the darkness at the edge
of the light? I think too many people
are afraid of the darkness, especially
at this time of year. Too many bright
lights. Too many twinkling, tinkling
pinpoints of brightness piercing the
night and trying to force away the dark.
But, it’s still there. Why can’t people
acknowledge it? Is it because they think
they’re supposed to be absolutely and
completely bright and gay (Yes, I know
what it means and I think the people
at Hallmark who decided to change
the quote on their sweater ornament to
“Don we now our fun apparel” are complete idiots) during the holiday season?
Where is that written?
Instead of being afraid of the dark
in our lives, it seems more sensible to
embrace it. After all, there can be no
shadows without light and the sharper
shadows seem to be cast by the brightest lights. I think people who do experience the darkness at this time of year
feel they are somehow wrong to do so.
They are often told by their well-meaning friends that this is the best time of
year and they should be happy. After
all, there’s so much light and so many
apparently happy people. Why should
14 NewsCastle
they feel so depressed or upset or alone?
Why should they wallow in the dark
when there is so much light everywhere? Why should they be depressed
when there is so much joy and love in
the air?
Because they do.
That’s really the only answer that
makes sense to me. People feel the
way they do because of what is going
on in their lives. If there is difficulty, it
really doesn’t make a difference if it’s
Christmas Day, May Day or if it’s June 3.
They’re going to react to the difficulty. If
there is a darkness hanging over them,
then it really doesn’t help to tell them
that they should be happy because
Christmas is just around the corner.
Masking feelings isn’t a really helpful
way to deal with them.
I think it’s worse for people if
you tell them to cheer up because it’s
Christmas. To me, that’s like trying to
guilt them into pretending to feel good.
I know it’s awkward to have someone
at a get together who is bummed out.
I get that. But, trying to force the issue
doesn’t really help anything. It’s like
gilding a pimple. The junk is still under
there and it’s probably getting worse
because it can’t openly heal as it’s meant
to under the façade.
If someone you know is feeling like
they are in the dark during this holiday
season, then you can step in and gift
them some of your light. If they can use
it, great. Hopefully, it will help bring
them out of their funk. If they cannot,
then you have to accept that as well. A
gift of light, like any other gift you give,
is freely given with no expectations of
use, compensation or appreciation. It’s
hard, I know, to see someone take your
gift and toss it aside. But, if your gift is
given in the proper spirit, then you have
to let it go.
If that person is someone you care
about, a friend or a relative or even an
acquaintance with whom you have a
good tie with, they will remember that
gesture. When the fog does eventually
clear, they will recall your effort to help
them. If the haze of whatever depression they are in doesn’t dissipate, then,
you will need to decide if the proper
course of action is to continue trying to
brighten their spirits or if professional
help is needed. The only surety I can
offer is if that person signals an intent
to do harm either to him or herself or to
others, then it is time to bring in professional assistance.
Barring that, the best you can offer
is an ear to listen and a shoulder to lean
on. I have found that most people don’t
want advice or direction right away.
They want someone who can listen
sympathetically, someone who can
nod and be a part of their thoughts for
a while and someone who knows the
value and healing abilities of silence.
For most, this is indeed the time
of year when light finally triumphs and
the warm feelings of friends and family
dissipate the iciest grips of whatever has
been bedeviling them throughout the
year. For most, the woes of the world
vanish in the embrace of holiday cheer,
be it from Christmas, Hanukah, Yule or
whatever other festivity takes them. To
these people, I wish you all the best of
the season. May your family and friends
be welcoming. May your food be warm,
tasty and plentiful. May your home be
strong. May your holiday be filled with
more joy than you ever thought possible.
For those who are in the throes
of crisis and cares, I offer my ear with
which to listen. I offer my shoulder on
which to lean. I offer my heart in which
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