she would receive her good grades, while she enjoyed my patience and consistency with her.
One of the best experiences I had as a volunteer this year was when I helped a young man get his driver’ s license. He had taken the written test about a year ago, but he felt really nervous about trying again and failing. He and I went over a practice test to make sure he was as ready as possible to pass the written test. He was really nervous going to the dmv, and his concerns were only exasperated by the obstacles we encountered at the facility.
When we first arrived, there was a line out the door. A lot of people were complaining about having to wait outside in the cold. This fueled him a little and he took part in the complaints. We made it in, and after having his documents checked, we had to wait in another line to have his picture taken. With only two more people ahead of us, the dmv announced that we had to wait in line while the staff went on lunch! He just about lost it and almost walked off. At this point we had stood in line for about an hour and a half. After the lunch break he was able to finally get his picture taken, but the clerk had him retake his picture six times because the facial recognition technology was not capturing all the points on his face. At this point, we were tired of standing and waiting and were hungry, but we were not done.
It was time to take the written portion of the test. The tests are administered on computers, and when he got up from his station I gave him two thumbs up, gesturing“ Yes? You passed?”— to which he replied with
John Lee, Marijo Gabriel, Alia Sisson, and Martin Echtler at Cristo Rey Kansas City High School, August 2017 his own two thumbs up and a big smile. We finally had something in the win column. The final obstacle was the actual driving test. I don’ t know which of us was more nervous. He had overcome so much and only one more test stood between him and his license. He jumped into the vehicle with the instructor. Again, I felt helpless because I could not even stand by him to provide support. After pacing for what felt like hours, he walked into the waiting area with another big smile.
On the ride back to pbmr he kept looking at his temporary license and began to do something I have rarely seen in these young men. He was able to talk about his plans and goals in such a way that sounded like they were within his reach. He would go on about getting auto insurance, getting a job, and not being scared of getting in trouble for driving without a license. The sky was the limit for this young man. When we arrived at the center he made sure to let everyone know that he got his license. Like a medal of honor, he flashed the small paper to everyone around. His expressions around the other youth were subtler than the ones I saw on the ride back to the center. I knew right then that I got to see a part of this young man that doesn’ t always get the chance to see the light. And for that, I am extremely grateful.
I have grown in several ways this volunteer year. The biggest change that I have noticed about myself is how much better I have become at not judging individuals who do not think or act like me. Last year, I was one of those people who would ask myself“ Why can’ t they just work hard like me? Why can’ t they just get their act together?” I was too quick to judge one person’ s morals and who I thought they were, based on one event. I had little empathy and patience for those who were given opportunities and would not take advantage of them. I felt like anything that was said in their defense was just an excuse for their laziness and inability to act like an adult. I always believed that I had more challenges in my life than most Americans, and so there was no reason why anyone couldn’ t achieve what I had achieved.
Part of being trauma-informed is recognizing that when a person who has experienced extreme trauma acts out or behaves in such a way that most of us would consider immature or unreasonable, that those behaviors have been influenced by an intense negative experience. Once we judge someone and assume too much about him or her, we lose patience because we believe
10 • The New Wine Press • June 2018