The New Social Worker Vol. 20, No. 3, Summer 2013 | Page 11

empathy into client-worker relationships. You are taught to use skills such as active listening, or tuning in as a way to convey your wish to meet clients where they are. These are great tools, but not the only ones you need. Purposefully asking questions is one of the best ways to show that you understand and want to understand more deeply. Even before you begin to ask your client questions, it is crucial to be aware of your language. Language sensitivity can be described in many ways , but here are a few ideas to get you started: • Use unbiased language. When working with clients who have different levels of ability, are of a different culture, or are of a different race, you may have difficulty with engagement if you use labels or slurs to describe them or their experiences. Reflect the same language a client uses to describe a feeling or experience. For example, if a woman who had an abortion refers to her experience as a “choice“ or “decision,” it is best not to then refer to her abortion as something that “she did” or “completed.” Have an awareness and separation of your own personal judgments that can ostracize a client (for example, referring to a person who struggles with substance use as an “addict” or “substance abuser”).

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Asking questions is a skill. There are some wonderful resources out there that can help you formulate thought-provoking questions that show your clients that you authentically care and want to know more. When deciding what questions to ask, you first want to focus on addressing preliminary treatment information. • • • • What led them to seek help from you? When did the presenting issue begin? What are their goals for working with you? How would they know that things were improving?

Referring back to the example of my experience working with clients older than myself, what worked in that situation was that I honored the differences that I had with my clients, provided validation of their concerns, and expressed

an enthusiasm to change. Part of this approach was modeling an understanding and an ability to be flexible. Since that experience, I have wondered how I could have done that if I hadn’t shared my feelings and emotions around being different from them. In 2009, Gerdes and Segal developed a social work model of empathy that introduced a concept called Affect Sharing, which describes a social worker’s experience of having automatic emotional and cognitive responses that are the same or shared with their clients. The research suggests that following the experience of Affect Sharing, the social worker is then faced with the decision of whether to take Empathetic Action (Gerdes & Segal, 2009). Part of the decision to take action requires a reflection on the impact of those automatic emotional and cognitive responses. This requires a level of self awareness that all of us are capable of developing. Just as we ask our clients to tell us what their sharing is bringing up for them, ask yourself: How is this information affecting me emotionally and in my thought process? Being able to disclose these feelings to clients can set the stage for discussing issues as they relate to a person’s inner beliefs, fears, and desires. Although it may be part of your role, you should never feel that you need to interpret what a client is presenting. Empathy is natural to humans (especially helping professionals!) and can act as a source of information about how to help our clients. Most recently, I took this approach when I was in an individual counseling session with a woman who had experienced severe mental and physical trauma over the course of her thirty years. It was our first time meeting, and she was giving me a laundry list of all of the “bad” things that had happened to her, never taking a moment in between. I began to feel overwhelmed. Inside, I felt as though I was shrinking, and I wanted a moment to process what I was hearing. When it felt like a good time, I asked my client to pause for a moment. I told her that I was hearing a lot of heavy information and suggested that we both take a breath. She agreed, and as we both took a deep breath and then exhaled, I felt the tension settle. I said to her, “Hearing this has been a little overwhelming. I’m wondering if we can go a little slower so I can hear

your whole story—how has it felt so far to share it with me for the first time?” She responded that no one had ever asked her how she felt speaking about it before, or acknowledged that it was a real weight that she carried around with her. Rather, they avoided talking to her about it or suggested that she quickly move forward from it, because it was simply too painful. Expressing empathy isn’t presented in a pity package, but rather it is a true gut reaction and identification of what another person or group has experienced. If you ever find yourself struggling to connect with clients or feel where they are, it’s always okay to say, “Can you tell me more?” I believe that everyone has the capacity to relate to others. It may not be obvious what you have in common with a client who is completely different from yourself, but as you continue your career, whether it’s working with groups or individuals or developing new policies, you will be forced to put yourself in shoes other than your own. Take the time to reflect, ask purposeful questions, and learn about the unique issues that people deal with. You may be surprised at how you can gain insight into your client’s mind by reflecting on your own.

References
Barker, R. L. (2003). The social work dictionary (5th ed.). Washington, DC: NASW Press. Gerdes, K. E., & Segal, E. A. (2009). A social work model of empathy. Advances in Social Work, 1 (2), 114-127. Norcross, J. C. (Ed.). (2011). Psychotherapy relationships that work: Evidence based responsiveness (2nd ed.). New York: Oxford University Press. Rogers, C. (1975). Empathetic: An unappreciated way of being. Counseling Psychologist, 5, 2-10. Sharon Lacay, LMSW, ASW, received her BA in psychology and Master of Social Work from Stony Brook University in Long Island, New York. She recently moved to Berkeley, California, and is pursuing a career working with youth and families in crisis.

The New Social Worker

Summer 2013

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