advice
Ask the elder
Elder Tree: a genus, Sambucus, of flowering plants in the family Adoxaceae. Ornamental
varieties are grown in gardens for their showy flowers, fruits and lacy foliage.
STUDENT HOUSING
Dear Mr Money Tree,
I am paying through my ears for my apartment. My
landlord (should I call him slumlord?) owns half of
our street close to campus, and we are squeezed very tightly for
rentals. When something breaks down, he takes forever to fix it. My
housemates and I have been talking about using our money to buy
our own place instead of making him rich. Do you think it’s a good
idea?
Andrew, UCT
Dear Andrew,
A wise real estate agent once told me “the dear Lordie ain’t making no
more of this stuff.” It was his way of saying that there will always be more
demand than supply when it gets to real estate, and that in the long
run, prices will always go up. So, yes, in principle, it is always a good
investment. But, there are risks. Things break and need maintenance.
One bad tenant’s lost rental can set all your investment projections
back. Keep an open mind to these risks and also consider hidden costs
like insurances and rates and taxes. The next step is to get financing.
As students, without fixed income, you will need someone to act as
guarantor for your mortgage loan. If all else fails, look at investing in socalled REITs (Real Estate Investment Trusts) where you can trade in and
out of the property market very quickly. That may be your best alternative.
Mr Money Tree
GOOD GIRLS GO WHERE?
Dear Mr Money Tree
We sat next to each other in class for months and
then struck up a conversation at our church picnic.
She is obviously just as shy as I am, but once we break the ice, we
can talk up a storm. My problem is that I feel incredibly physically
attracted to her. We are both 18 and I suppose we are legally
entitled to have sex, but she claims on the one hand that she wants
to marry as a virgin, yet on the other hand, she plays along when I
try to make my moves. I find this all very confusing. How do I get
her to have sex with me in a way where she does not hate herself or
me the next day?
Xolile, NMU
Hi Xolile,
What you two seem to have is quite special. Most 18-year olds would
have jumped in bed by now, outed the other on social media, never
16
spoken to one another again and spent the rest of their lives feeling guilty.
So, nurture what sounds like a good relationship that is developing. If
she believes some deity wants her to abstain, you might have to respect
that or try and persuade her to change her religion. I will accept bets
on which one is easier to achieve. Your basic dilemma seems to be
that your normal instincts are being hindered by ideology. Now, you can
either be as serious a believer as she is and therefore abstain, or else you
are likely not matching her requirements in terms of spirituality, so why
would she think of spending her life with you one day? Maybe, she is just
confused because you are so dashing and charming! My suggestion is to
respect her ways, accept that no means no, yet always keep a condom
handy in case she chooses to succumb to the temptation.
Mr Money Tree
CUT ABOVE THE REST
Mr Money Tree,
I worked hard to get a scholarship and am the first
one from my family to enjoy my current level of
education. It has been tough but I am now firmly in my second
(academic!) year. My strongest subject has been physics, since
early days, and I am involved with a bunch of really cool extracurricular programmes. This is where my problem started. I get
plenty of invitations to some of my teachers’ homes and also to
public restaurants close to some of our events when we have
summer programmes or events like that. And every time I sit down
at one of these fancy spots, I am stunned by the amount of cutlery,
and I never know when to use what. Help me out man.
Luka, Wits
Dear Luka,
It looks daunting, yet there is a simple method. You work your way
from the outside in, each set of knife and fork with each next course.
Of course, if you skip out on one course, for instance the fish, you pass
up the fish knife and fork (they are the easiest to spot with their broad
blade and neck). Make the waiter your friend, asking him or her to
remove what you do not need. Dessert utensils sit atop your plate – a
spoon and fork – and it’s worth looking at a YouTube video or two to see
how best to use them together. More conspicuous, of course, are all
the choices of glasses you will have in a similar setting. Big – red wine;
medium – white wine; flute – bubbly. Tumblers will do for water and hard
drinks, and it sounds to me like you might need a stiff shot so that you
can relax and rather eat and talk physics next time.
Mr Money Tree.