The Missionary Messenger Volume 1- Issue 1 | Page 16

“From Where I Sit …”

“A Whisper in the Ear of a Minister’s Spouse”
It’s Sunday morning. You are sitting in your regular place … the place
where you always sit each and every Sunday. And with a carefully guarded
sense of pride, you join your fellow congregants in the worship service being
led by your spouse, the Minister.
You try not to be too showy (whatever that may mean) and you are
careful to weigh your needs and the needs of your family against the constant demands of the
members who seem to believe that your spouse belongs more to them than to you.
Out of habit you smile anyway even though there are times
when you wish you could cry out your needs in the simple and
unabashed way that others do; but no, you are the Minister’s
Spouse and so it is natural that you are expected to be just as
strong, just as resilient, and just as giving as your spouse.
Now that’s all well and good but right now, while no one is
looking, let me whisper a word in your ear. And please understand
that it is not my intention to interfere in your life or meddle in your
affairs but whether you are a relatively new Minister’s Spouse or
well experienced in this role, there are some things that you need
to know and some things you need to do.
As pastor, the Minister’s responsibility is to address the
needs of the Church and the congregation, which may mean that you, the Minister’s Spouse, may
be tasked with managing the obligations of the home. One of those obligations is to take care of
the precautions for the unexpected future, particularly in the area of insurance and retirement.
Let me whisper two important suggestions in your ear. Number 1: If you are not the
person managing the records for your family, then ask to see the most current insurance and
retirement documents and specifically the designation of the beneficiary or
beneficiaries. Even if you are not the named beneficiary, if the unexpected
should happen to your spouse, the Minister; you as the next of kin will most
likely have to attend to final arrangements and the disposition of any assets.
During such a difficult time, the comfort arising from your prior knowledge
of beneficiary designations and the resulting implications will better facilitate
the decisions that will have to be made in the following days. If you are not
the named beneficiary on all of the policies, then sit down with your spouse,
the Minister, and get a good understanding of the intended expectations. It is
much better to have this conversation, now, at this time when you can get
answers than to find yourself having to guess in the midst of your grief.
Number 2: If your spouse, the Minister, was previously married, it is even more
important for you to review these records. You need to be absolutely certain that a former
spouse is not still, unintentionally, the named beneficiary. You cannot imagine the amount of
pain I personally feel when we discover that the beneficiary on an insurance policy or retirement
application is a former spouse instead of the current spouse. Such a situation will almost, in
every case, result in pain and difficulty for the family in grief when the necessary funds intended
for the burial of a deceased Minister are not available for having simply failed to change the
beneficiary. To avoid such a situation, you must help your spouse, the Minister, by asking
difficult questions that will insure that necessary changes are made right away and not put off
until tomorrow or next week.