I am you and you are me/solitude
by Elizabeth Carusi
5:30AM, Ginkgo Temple, the Center of the World, the Month of Stars
Gold leaves fall and fly past the tall window Yuexia sits on as she watches the clouds drift by. Cheers and shouts fly through the air from kids jumping in piles of leaves while others watch with grins on their faces. Fall these days always comes with excitement for the change before their eyes, but for Yuexia, it represented something completely different. With fall comes more human sin, and with more sin comes more demons, and with more demons comes more work for the sentinels.
Yuexia finds herself constantly busy around this time, envy dripping from her form as she watches others have fun, holding hands, and going to places with friends. Gods, Yuexia wishes she could do that, but she chose this path of isolation with four other people, her new family. And she has to stick with it, lest she be like her family. Her legs cross over one another. Her one moment of peace and she is envious of others. Bah, A human sin, but one she must get rid of nonetheless.
“Gods above, this is so stupid.” Yuexia murmurs, rubbing her eyes with her fists. “A sentinel, someone who gets rid of human sin, succumbing to a sin.” A voice begins to whisper in her mind.
But is it really? Taking all of this upon you, I mean it wouldn't have gotten done otherwise, you’re practically carrying the sentinels on your back. Its tone is sickly and its rasp sounds like nails on a chalkboard in Yuexia’s mind. She stares at the wall as the voice speaks to her, her grip on the chair tight enough to splinter the wood. The chair clatters to the floor at the voice’s next words:
You were meant to be alone. This loneliness is meant to choke you, surround your entire being like a blanket of knives. Just like your family abandoning you, you will be cast away soon enough, forsaken by those you hold dear. Her clothing flows as she turns, stumbling for balance as she frantically pulls out her blade to point at a nonexistent intruder. “Get out of my head!” The voice chuckles at her fear.
Why are you afraid? I am you, and you are me. You will never get me out of your head, not a single day will go by where I won’t be lurking. You will live the rest of your immortal life in fear. Yuexia’s breathing hastens; gasping for air as she stumbles into a corner. Her eyes swivel from one side to the other, searching for this voice. Her blade shakes in her hand. The room feels suffocating, the cool air stifling.