culmination, when just before the end, it fell into a sleepy pace
again. Finally, everything stopped in a vast pulsating silence.
It was time for meditation. The lights went completely out:
only candles at the altar were permitted to glimmer. I closed
my eyes. A new kind of music begun to play, deep and
resonant. It was the sound of tamboura, a traditional Indian
instrument. The few notes repeated themselves in a
rhythmical pattern, like a boat rocking on the waves. Deep
relaxation overtook me. Part of my mind was still wide awake,
making notes and offering opinions. Yet, it had no energy to
form any proper sentences. They were only particles, flickers of
thoughts. I felt that it was extremely pleasant to sit like this,
and I wished I could stay here all night, alone in this room.
Then, I noticed that I couldn’t feel my body anymore. There
were no sensations of warmth or cold, comfort or discomfort. I
couldn’t feel gravity, breath, or the beating of my heart. It felt
as if a life force had left my body, but not my mind. “I’m dying,”
the flicker of a thought informed me in a cruel and
dispassionate voice.
That flicker started a panic. The intense and mindless fear
suddenly rolled up and down my back. I couldn’t understand
what was wrong, and where the fear was coming from. I tried