The Soft Issue
August 2017
Story from Within
The union’s statement titled: Time to Let Go, is a
repertoire of redundant and perplexing sentences.
Here is an excerpt from the statement:
“… On the trending issue, we would like to register
our displeasure over the unfortunate event that
has snowballed into a conflagration. We wish
to admit that the development is regrettable
but not out of place, as lessons have been
learnt and bridges have been built. Similarly, we
wish to state here that the sealing of the office
of the lecturer concerned is not intended, but
a show of discontent by some union officials,
whose intention, though sincere, yet overboard!
We therefore sue for peace and urge for
ceasefire among all stakeholders concerned.
Time has come to let go and keep up with the
developmental agenda of the university of Ilorin.”
---Time to Let Go, March 17th, 2017.
AMCOS’s press release which has words like sorry,
apologise, and forgive appearing eight times combined,
reads thus:
“The brightness of situation prompts this
release as it is said that nothing is wrong until
something goes wrong. It has become obvious of
our attitudes towards the association, the entire
executive members cherish and appreciate
you as we know we’ve erred, we’ve made some
mistakes, some decisions have been made
without your consent, but we thought it was for
progressive reasons, and we seek apologies.” ---
It is High Time, March 22nd, 2017.
There are different perspectives to look at the
circumstances that may have led to the birth of the
two statements. One, that the PRO, huddled behind
his desk in a hermetic office; rivulets setting upon
his forehead; and jabbing the screen of his tablet
manically, is determined to make sure his statement is
as harrowing to the reader as it were for him during the
writing. Two, that the writer thinks he has attained that
intellectual high-horse that guarantees him license
to serenade his audience with nebulous words. Foul
throwing.
In a conscious milieu, these press releases, especially
the one issued by AMCOS, should be sparking outrage—
the is this how we taught you? type of outrage. But it
didn’t. This makes one wonder, do people read these
press releases? Do they turn blind-eye to these errors
as long as they get the gist? Or are they fascinated by
the abstruse grammar contained in it? Whatever the
answers to these questions, they simply tell the nature
of the milieu they operate.
Only a few organisations have the resources to issue a
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statement that works. It is therefore not surprising
that some organisations outsource this function
to public relations experts. Others would hire
journalists to perform this role. The argument is
that since press release is structured in 5Ws and
H format and journalists spend their whole career
writing that who best to write it? In the case of the
students’ union and AMCOS, they cannot hire the
services of professionals—they, instead have their
own PROs who are saddled with the responsibility
of handling their communication and information
functions.
After reading these statements, one is embraced
by a sense of loss and pity: Loss, because all of the
grammar rules one has learnt is humbled by the
vortex of the statements: pity, because these boys
are the next-gen political appointees. They would
convene conferences and sign press statements
to sate the nation’s hunger for information. Rather
than salve that hunger, they would exacerbate it. To
be fair to these boys, government and its ministries’
press releases can equally be terrible. Their goal is
to trumpet the trivial and obfuscate value—a path
the union is toiling towards diligently.
The rapid pace at which these press releases
circulates, as BCs and other forms, means that the
secret is out. Everyone who reads these messages
know what olodo the person who wrote the
messages is. And this is an embarrassment to both
the students, who are not dummies and the school
itself.
Ironically, the media that are waiting to devour
the school would have saved it, unwittingly, from
embarrassment. How? The press releases the
students are writing wouldn’t have seen the light
of day. But the students played themselves. All
their press releases were distributed via WhatsApp,
Facebook groups, and loosely handled blogs. By
choosing these channels, they have successfully
shown that, for all the years they have spent in
school, they still ain’t shit.
Students’ unions are not known to write vibrant and
up-to-standard statements. Instant messaging, and
microblogging have opened an expressway for
them to reach their audience with ease; they are
not shy to take advantage of these opportunities.
But since they are failing terribly at press release
writing, it is better they backslide to the old method
of convening students and screaming “Of the
greatest…” above their heads. Or they should simply
find anot her name for whatever they are writing
because those things are not press release, in all
sense of it.
the
LENS