uncountable sleepless nights . Isn ' t it miserable that one should spend thirty years of one ' s life to forget only one person ? Isn ' t it funny that I am being sentimental while sitting with my granddaughter ? How would she feel if I told her that old man sitting under the dark shadow of night is causing a stirring in my heart ? He is sitting with the same style of Socrates , lost somewhere , quite indifferent to his surroundings . I can recognize him among thousands , the same style of lighting his cigarette and inhaling it . The same style of folding one arm on his chest and the other moving slowly toward his mouth , his eyes fixed on the distant horizon .
The only difference is that shivering of his hands that now can be felt . Two strong images of his personality are still alive in my mind . First , a lively young man with intelligent and sparkling eyes and sensual mouth with glorious exalted words . Second , an image of meditation ; a man with graying hair , lost in the secret world of self , like the old , tired and despairing Sidhartha *. How ambitious and full of life he was when , thirty years back , he started teaching . He had the natural talent for teaching . Moreover , his communicative style of teaching and exalted thoughts made him very successful while above all , he adopted this profession as a service , not as a job .
He had studied extensively and had wonderful vision but all this was very embarrassing for other tamed and empty teachers . For them , the highest things were their grades and gray hairs . They had very clever and cunning brains , because they had been working hard , on these lines , for years . They would show themselves as wise and their little sayings and truths made them funnier . Their superficial and shallow wisdom was endangered by the presence of this young man , for there was something , which made him different from the others . This made others love or hate him extremely ; there was no halfway . The most irritating thing to others was that he never showed any reaction to the crazy attitude of people . It seemed as if he had overpowered those violent desires .
The head of the department was a cruel , shrewd devil , who , with his favor and disfavor , could build or destroy the careers of newcomers . Though he had a doctorate in literature , he was good for nothing , merely a holy ghost . He compelled people to respect him , surviving by his mean authority . In short , there was everything except education and decency . Therefore , that intelligent young man became intolerable for them . His only flaw was that he had a good brain amongst brains that were mediocre .
Why did I become jealous of him ? I was ambitious for a secure and successful future and did not want to miss any chance of getting the favor of existing authorities . That was a very comfortable and easy way to reach the height , the only requirement was to please the monsters . Therefore , I did . All possible mean ways were adopted to force him to leave our wonderful heaven . Ultimately he left , silently , without even saying a word . His commitment to the profession and his intelligence could destroy us all . Therefore , before our destruction , we destroyed him .
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