The Kharisma Magazine The Kharisma Magazine (Full) Premiere Issue | Page 272

I
272
Giving Back in
Relationships
{
n any relationship, whether personal or business, there is
WRITTEN BY COLLEEN ELLIOTT
giving and receiving. The level at which you are operating in that
P R E M I E R
I S S U E
2 0 1 8
}
K H A R I S M A
M A G A Z I N E
more at level three, more often. Think about it…when was the
last time you gave just because?
relationship determines the extent to which that relationship
will grow. According to Anthony Robbins, there are three levels Giving back to others when we do not stand to benefit now or in
of relationships: the future will not only make us feel good, but also makes those
A level one relationship is one in which we give to get; we are
we give to feel good. In personal relationships in particularly,
while a return is not guaranteed, we better understand what level of relationship you are
give because we think we will benefit. operating at, examine why you give, who you give to,
unselfish giving is the fertile ground in which the roots of
motivated to give because there is something we stand to receive that relationship deepen and the relationship can flourish.
in return. This relationship is motivated by self-interest and If you do not water that relationship, it withers and dies. To
For example, you do a favour for
one day you will be repaid for that
someone with the expectation that
favour. If we do not receive what we
expected in return, we may feel used.
A level two relationship is one in
which we give because we receive.
This relationship is premised on
mutual benefit; there is reciprocity,
with each person playing their part
and contributing to the relationship
and when you give.
If you
do not
Why do you give?
• Are you motivated to give back to others because
you will receive something in return?
water that
relationship,
it withers
and dies.
• As a thank you for when someone does something
for you?
• Or because you enjoy seeing a smile on another’s
face?
Who do you give to?
• Do you give to people to whom you feel indebted?
• D o y o u g i v e t o p e o p l e y o u w a n t t o i m p re s s
o r influence?
in equal measure. However, there • Do you give to people you feel obligated to give to?
is a risk that either party in this When do you give?
relationship may stop giving because they no longer perceive • Is your giving motivated by what others have done
mutual benefit. For example, you donate to a charity in exchange for you (e.g. as a ‘thank you’)?
for a tax benefit or some other reward. • Do you give only when the occasion calls for it (e.g. birthdays,
holidays)?
A level three relationship is one where you give to others • Do you give simply because you appreciate someone for who
because it feels good to do so. There is no hidden agenda or they are?
explicit benefit motivating you to give. You are not worried about
getting recognition or getting a return on your investment, you Giving is part and parcel of living your best life and having
simply give because you can. You anticipate and meet the needs successful relationships. There is a freedom that comes from
of others not because of who they are to you, not because of having relationships where you don’t have to worry about
what they do or because of obligation. You are motivated by an whether or not you are receiving enough, where you are
altruistic desire to help. motivated to give of yourself to benefit another. These level three
relationships exude abundance thinking: the understanding that
It is useful to look at the three levels in the context of giving back, you don’t need to get in order to give, that you trust and believe
because most people give back because of self-interest (level 1) that you, too, will receive from unexpected sources. It takes a
and mutual benefit (level 2). My intention is to inspire