change within ourselves.
It’s not our thoughtless friend, or our inconsiderate boss, or the discourteous cashier at the local grocery store that makes someone feel a burning desire to connect with their qualifier, peruse the bathhouses or surf the net for porn. Sure, it feels like we’re pissed off solely at them. But, if we dig deeper we’ll find that who we are really angry with is ourselves.
We’re angry that it’s taken this long to realize that we have the power to change our circumstances.
We’re angry at ourselves for doing the same idiotic behavior and expecting a different result. We’re angry at ourselves for our own weakness, our own gullibility and our own selfishness in wanting someone else to change themselves in order to make us feel OK.
Come on, let’s get real. Our sobriety depends on us getting real — not shoving our anger under the rug or using it to control others but in admitting to ourselves that the anger we feel is not so much against them, but against ourselves.
It’s OK for us to get pissed off, jacked up, flippin’ angry at someone or some situation IF we don’t get stuck in it and if that anger leads us to look at ourselves, our behaviors and the ways we can change for the better.
Of course, who wants to get angry at oneself? We get much more control and power when we feel pissed off at someone else, yes?
The problem is that when we do that, we dig our own graves… big ol’ pits of resentments. And it’s that resentment that leads us to hurt ourselves, whether it be by returning to the bed of our equally sex-addicted qualifier, or into our favorite strip club or to the computer for internet porn.
Do you get it?? If the anger we feel is truly about THEM then why do we end up abusing ourselves? Because it’s not about them. It’s about us.
I wish I could say that this knowledge (albeit, of my own opinion) was a result of me figuring out this shit years ago. But it’s not. It’s fresh knowledge. It’s a gift of my four months in S.L.A.A. and the shares of my fellows. I’ve got a long haul ahead of me – this job of letting go of resentments and changing 30 years of self-abusive behaviors. It brings tears to my eyes realizing what I’ve done to myself and others. But I guess that’s another gift of the program – humility and the tools to clean up our shit, to make amends and to let it go. I’m tired of the anger that lies behind my smile. I’m cleaning house with the help of my Higher Power. One day at a time.
I’m also coming to believe that the anger that is sparked by the actions of another can be one of the greatest gifts we can receive IF we use it to focus on where we can change, where we can improve and how we can stop destructive behaviors.
The positive power of anger lies not in getting someone else to change, but in using it to propel YOU to change.
— KIM K., LONG BEACH, CA
21
the Journal, Issue #146
Meditation Book Project
IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO PARTICIPATE IN THIS PROJECT: FEEL FREE TO SUBMIT UNCOPYRIGHTED, ORIGINAL WRITING TO BE PUBLISHED AS: 1. PERSONAL SHARES FOR MEDITATIONS. 2. POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS/PRAYERS. PLEASE EMAIL SHARES TO THE JOURNAL WWW.SLAAFWS.ORG
Sobriety
“In these matters, time and daily consistency of action are the tools with which we fashion our release, under God’s guidance, from the tyranny of the psychic realm. This may be the last domain of the addiction to relinquish its power, but it does happen.”
PAGE 111, S.L.A.A. BASIC TEXT, “THE TWELVE STEP PROGRAM”
The more bumpy, slow-going, and rough the road we trudge in maintaining our sobriety, the more durable and fulfilling the breakthrough to smooth highway cruise control on the other side. Persevering in open connection with Higher Power makes the journey a beautiful, climate-controlled one.
AFFIRMATION: I am sober today by the grace of God and will continue to do my Twelve Step work and reach out to others.