Psychologist - Writer - MUSICIAN - Steve Bonham
Wide brimmed hat. Long dark coat. Guitar slung on back.
21 years on the road.
A 100,000 miles and half a thousand hotel rooms.
From the Berlin Wall to Atlas Mountains.
From Sahara Desert to the streets of Hong Kong:
A memory brewed in the long simmering soup of people and place.
A man who has learned to watch and to listen
to walk and talk in the ebb and flow of meeting and parting.
He is a chronicler of the human spirit in words. and music.
This week has been about the launch of my new book, How to Survive and Thrive in an Impossible World. It's a book about how to get by, and in fact, better than that, have a good life, when you're surrounded by chaos, uncertainty, and general mayhem. It's for anyone who feels like, "Where do I go from here? Or how do I cope?"
You see, the thing about a life of a musician or a writer, is its constant feature is uncertainty. You never know how life is going to be two or three months out. And you get used to it and you adapt to it. And I think for most people, that's not actually how they live their lives. They live their lives with regular employment and the idea of not having that employment can create feelings of potential catastrophe and disaster.
So this book is about thinking about, how do you get your head in the right place for a more uncertain world? And it talks about five rules you can sort of orient yourself around to cope better. These rules come partly, I guess, from me as a psychologist, but actually much, much more from my life on the road, from the trips, tours and explorations I've done, from the people I've met and the extraordinary stories that they often tell.
You see, the problem with the normal world is it's so goal-oriented! Every time you want to change something, the first thing you are told is, "What's your goal? What's your vision? And for most of us, we're just completely dumbfounded with that idea thinking, I've no idea. I can't imagine it."
And the problem is big goals are very complicated! You're lucky if you have them. You're even more fortunate if the circumstances and the planets align in such a way that you might achieve them. Which at the moment is not going to happen!
Now, if you're going to cope with this world, you've got to have what I've called a vagabond mindset. You've got to be much more comfortable and ready for the world coming to you than you rather than endlessly chasing after it. And I think every musician I've ever known knows this, that's the case that most of the great things that happen seem to happen by accident or by good fortune.
So what are these rules that might help you? I think the first rule is be wild. Be wild doesn't mean be angry or furious or savage. It means be like a wild animal in
the way you pay attention to what's going on around you and you see what's really there. Take the time to slow down and take on board the possibility in yourself and a possibility in the world around you. That there's more to us than meets the eye, and there's always more to the world than meets the eye.
The second rule is be strong. Build your life around continuously exploring and releasing the capabilities you have. Be a better player. Be a better songwriter and Be a better cook. Just build your strengths because they're psychologically, the source of your happiness. you're ready for whatever happens. I was still working during the lockdown and finally facing up to sorting up technologies like Amazon and Facebook and Twitter and Instagram, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And I don't love them and I'll never will, but I feel I've at least re-negotiated a truce with them in terms of what I do. So be strong. We can always develop that which is hidden.
I think the third rule is be experimental. Try things out. The trouble with experts they you, "You should do this. You should do that." And actually most of the time, they don't actually know. It's controversial point, but most experts extend themselves beyond their actual knowledge. So try things out. And anyway, in this completely mad, unpredictable world it is going to be your best bet.
The fourth rule is travel with companions. The word companion means the people we break bread with. Companion. And in our lives, if we've got half a dozen people who get us and understand us and support us, we're blessed, blessed people. And nurturing those relationships who could help us in our journey is one of the key parts of our psychological health.
And the last rule is take the first step. Life can be bewildering and as musicians, we can feel that the whole world is lined up to make our lives impossible. But the only thing we can do is take the first step towards something better. Make it a small one, make it a long one, but take it, cross the
threshold. So there you have it. In
a world in which rules don't work,
I propose five rules. I get the irony,
but they are less strict guidelines
and laws, they are invitations,
invitations to be in a better place.
If you'd like to read the book,
please go to our website,
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How to Survive and Thrive in an Impossible World