Healthy
S
hipshewana at Christmastime
is beautiful, twinkling lights
and picturesque decorations.
It mirrors the image most of
us have of Christmas. It’s a season of
great expectations.
But expectations can be disappointing. How many children each year
are disappointed because the expected
toy is not under the Christmas tree?
Family members are disappointed
because relationships aren’t what they
hoped they would be. The iconic family
sitting around the fire singing Christmas carols is an unspoken expectation
of relationships during the holidays.
Often family scenes a re different than
that. Expectation of the ideal brings
disappointment, frustration, sadness,
and even anger.
Heading into the holidays, checking expectation levels is important.
Expectations most often revolve
around people and relationships.
Strained relationships usually don’t
dissolve at Christmas time if they are
not addressed at other times of the
year. Having realistic expectations
about relationships can help overall
Hearts
?Healthy
Homes
by Brenda Yoder, MA,
Education & Prevention Advocate for Elijah Haven Crisis Intervention Center
emotional health of individuals going
into family gatherings. Realistic expectations don’t mean expecting more
than what people can give, but it also
doesn’t mean expecting the worse in
a situation. If we look for the worst in
a person or situation we will probably
find it. Realistic expectations mean accepting things or people for where they
are and what they can offer. It means
acknowledging “It is what it is.”
Applying this principle in life situations and relationships gives each of
us accurate expectations. But it also
gives us the ability to change things
we have control to change. If there are
unhealthy or toxic people in our lives,
it gives us the ability to decide how we
are going to let them affect us, what
boundaries we need to establish with
them, and what changes, if any, we
need to implement for healthy living.
Unfortunately, not all relationships
in our lives may be healthy. Assessing
the situation realistically allows us to
either adjust our expectations so we
are not racked with disappointment,
or it gives us the choice of what we can
control in the situation.
“It is what it is, so what am I going to do about it?” Ask yourself this
question when assessing expectations.
Perhaps not everyone can be together
on Christmas Day. Instead of being
disappointed, what are creative ways to
celebrate when everyone is together?
Perhaps you are experiencing ongoing strife in a relationship. Have you
sought out counseling or help from a
pastor, mentor, or friend? Are your
finances not what you hoped for this
holiday? Can you make meaningful
celebrations that are rich in activity
and conversation rather than in material things? Are you emotionally stuck
in bitterness or anger? What do you
need to change to get unstuck?
This holiday season; make an effort
to set realistic expectations for relationships and holiday hoopla, acknowledging, “It is what it is.” Then, change
or readjust what you can control to
walk through the holidays in good
physical, spiritual, and mental health.
That’s the best gift you can give to
yourself and those around you.
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The Hometown Treasure · December ‘12 · pg 39