L
ike every good movie there are four possible
outcomes when life casts you in a difficult
place. You can be crushed by it, survive
it, recover from it, or thrive in it (though note we
should not equate thriving with being hilariously
happy). Writing the final scene is determined by
how you deal with the situation you find yourself
in. There are fundamentally two possible responses
when you are struck by a personal crisis. Some
people attempt to deal with their upsetting scenario
by engaging in a problem-solving approach, while
others attempt to adopt a more accepting response.
The problem-solving approach
For those who believe it is a matter of problem-
solving, their approach is to obtain as much
information as possible about the issues and then
form a plan of action to deal with them. Often the
biggest weakness of this route is that it deals with
the effects and not the cause of what is going on.
Ingredients in this process include:
call the problem by its name
clarify what would take the problem away
consider all options for dealing with this issue
choose a particular route for solving your issues
calculate what could happen
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A choice of
two paths
carry out your plan
contemplate what happened.
The emotion-focussed approach
When it comes to approaching the difficult issues
in a more accepting way, then we are thinking in
terms of how to reduce the symptoms of stress of
the particular context we are in. Not every situation
we find ourselves in can be solved. When we are
in that place we need to think in terms of how best
to manage ourselves through the rollercoaster that
we are about to get on. There are many emotion-
focussed approaches that people use. These include
behavioural strategies (different ways of acting
while you are in this tough scenario) and cognitive
strategies (thinking differently about your context).
As far as possible, practical things that you could
do to engage in either of these responses would
include going on holiday, engaging in a local
project that helps others, or talking with friends.
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