The Guiding Light Oct. 2015 - Page 15

The Guiding Light / Oct. 2015 15

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. That made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it’s good ……) ‘A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.’

This weekend a couple from Connecticut will have the longest marriage ever recorded in the U.S. They said the secret to their long-lasting marriage is love, compromise, and the fact that neither one of them has been able to hear a word the other has said in more than 30 years.

A police officer called the station on his radio.

“I have an interesting situation here,” he says. “An old lady shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped.”

The dispatcher replied, “Have you arrested the woman?”

“Not yet,” he says, “the floor’s still wet!”

Speaking of the police, last January on a bitterly cold winter’s day, a North Dakota State Trooper on patrol came upon a motorcyclist who was stalled by the roadside. The biker was swathed in heavy protective clothing and wearing a full-face helmet to protect the face from the cold weather.

“What’s the matter?” asked the Trooper.

“Carburetor’s frozen,” was the reply.

“Pee on it, that’ll thaw it out,” says the Trooper.

“I can’t,” said the biker.

“OK, watch me closely and I’ll show you,” says the Trooper. He unzipped and promptly warmed the carburetor as promised.

Moments later, the bike started and the rider drove off, waving.

A few days later, the local State Trooper’s office received a note of thanks from the father of the motorcyclist.

It began: “On behalf of my daughter, Jill …….”