The Guiding Light / Jan. 2016 15
I live in my own little world, but it’s okay. Everyone knows me here.
I saw a very large woman wearing a sweatshirt with “Guess” on it.
I said, “Left Tackle?”
I don’t do drugs. I find I get the same effect
just by standing up really fast.
I don’t like political jokes. I’ve seen too many get elected.
The most precious thing we have is life,
yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
Every day I beat my previous record of
consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.
No one ever said, “It’s only a game!” when their team’s winning.
Marriage changes passion …… suddenly you’re in bed with a relative.
Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing,
I wouldn’t need the freakin’ class!
Don’t argue with an idiot, people watching
may not be able to tell the difference.
Wouldn’t you know it! Brain cells come and brain
cells go, but FAT cells live forever.
Why is it that our children can’t read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?
What is the difference between a fanatic and a zealot? A zealot is a fanatic
who has lost his sense of direction and has redoubled his efforts.