be a writer someday. I carried a secret within myself that made growing up difficult. I recognized having same-sex feelings and attractions at the age of four, a phenomenon that troubled me because I knew this made me different than other boys. The shame of being different and considered a deviant for being homosexual was too overwhelming and scary for me, which was reinforced even further by the occasional peer bullying incidents growing up when I was called “faggot” or “sissy” and by the observation of subtle homophobia in the way people made disparaging jokes or comments about gay people. It made me feel defective and that there was something wrong with me for having been born this way. Growing up back in the 1970’s and 1980’s, being gay was taboo and not as accepting an identity as it is nowadays, particularly in my suburban-rural-“ish” community. So I retreated internally to an active fantasy life with my story-writing and presented a façade to the world. It was not until I was 28, a “late-bloomer” by today’s standards, did I fully take the risk of coming out to myself as gay, and then a couple of years later to others because of this internalized shame and homophobia. It was a liberating experience that caused a tremendous positive shift in my self-esteem, assertiveness, and provided a new burst of energy to help me accomplish my dreams and goals and develop relationships; finally unshackled by years of fear and immobilization. This act of self-love and authenticity later came to define some of my work as a social worker and helping professional.
I didn’t really know what I wanted to do when I grew