The Number One Way to Deal with Pride : Employing Seeing Eye Dogs Accountability
Delusion thinking is not self-correcting . In the last discussion we had , we examined how we all are self-deceived and manage to see all the faults that everyone else has while missing or minimizing our mistakes . That is why most of us do not change very much . We focus on what everyone else is doing wrong and spend little or no time dealing with our own behavior – which is the only thing we have any real control over . Since self-deception is present to some or a great degree in everyone , what do we do about it ? To set this up , I would like to share something that happened a few years ago . A large police agency asked me to give them questions for an oral interview board for three individuals who were competing for the Chief of Police . What was interesting was that I was asked to focus on coming up with questions that would help the assessors to determine which candidate was most likely to succeed because of their character , humility , and interpersonal skills . The following are the three questions that I sent :
• “ What are three weaknesses that have plagued you throughout your career that made you less effective as a leader ? “
• “ What are you doing about these three weaknesses ? Be specific .”
• “ Name three people who have the right to hold you accountable for these three weaknesses ?” who see us objectively remind us when we are getting impatient , prideful , etc . in order to help us deal with our “ blindness ”. Our friends and closest co-workers see us more objectively than we see ourselves . We can use their objectivity about us to help minimize our self-deception by allowing them to hold us accountable when they see us getting foolish or impatient or doing anything that will affect our ability to deal with others .
To summarize – the key to self-awareness and minimizing pride and being stupid is to have others in our lives actively keeping us honest . Welcoming others ’ feedback by reminding us of our mistakes and when we are taking ourselves too seriously is the only way we can be truly aware of our weaknesses . This accountability is what I mean by “ seeing eye dogs ”.
Who should be the ones to hold us accountable ? I think the two most critical factors in answering that question is best answered by relational issues and exposure issues . First , men and women in our lives who know us the best are likely to see us more objectively – they understand the “ norm ” of our lives and are also likely to have a good idea about our weaknesses . They know the “ real you ” so they know when you are just having a bad day or if your behavior is actually a pattern that you are falling into that is detrimental to you and those around you .
If you think about it , the first question deals with my article from last time – self-awareness . Self-aware people deal with their own issues , and are willing to be teachable and admit their mistakes , etc . All of you reading this realize that people who are self-aware are good with people around them – they are not “ Kings ” or “ Queens ” who spend all their waking moments judging others , while failing to deal with their own behavior and weaknesses . We like to work with and serve under people who do not take themselves too seriously but rather take off their “ crowns ” and work alongside people , not over them .
The first question , however , was not the most important . The third one was . If we are naturally self-deceived ( and we all are ), then we do not naturally see how we come across with people , how we are harboring a grudge , etc . So the way we become self-aware is by having others
Second , exposure is important . Those around you more often have a great deal more data to see how you are doing than those who aren ’ t around you often . I know this next idea might be controversial but who is the best person ( s ) to hold a sergeant accountable ? Police officers , deputies , and correctional personnel who work under his or her supervision . They are on the receiving end of his or her leadership ( or lack of leadership ) so they are likely the most crucial in helping the person the role as supervisor . Yet what do most agencies do ? They have a superior officer like a lieutenant fill out the supervisor ’ s evaluation when he or she really does not have much information on how the supervisor is really doing . Having a person above us in rank being the only person to rate us also presents another problem in that it naturally makes us focus on pleasing the boss while forgetting about our subordinates !
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