POWWOWLOOKATME
Having played the Hokey Cokey
with Big Brother earlier this year
and leaving the show with a
cathchphrase that’s more annoying
than finger nails scraping on glass,
we thought it time to catch up with
‘Showbiz’ Simon who we found
rummaging through a bag of
Camila Batmanghelidjh cast offs.
TGUK: You’re stepping into
the arena of camp music…
in terms of campness
where do you rate your
single:
- Full on giving Village
People a run for their
money?
- Move over Steps, Mr
Showbiz has arrived?
- Geri Halliwell has nothing
on me?
SG: Oh definitely it’s up there
with the Village People… Geri
who?
Ooo she’s started earlier Geri-Bloody-Halliwell, the
campest music business
creation ever. Bar none.
2/10
TGUK: Which one of the
village people would you
like to date?
SG: Just one? Okay, the
construction worker? Wait, was
there a construction worker?
The one with the helmet…
Two questions in and we’re
already on helmet talk.
Bravo. 9/10
TGUK: He could come
around and fix your pipes…
SG: That’s dirty. But yes, he can
fix me with his screwdriver.
With a screwdriver? Dear
god man, you’re flesh and
blood not a distribution
board. 5/10
TGUK: God’s answer to gay
men is:
-Blue Nun with a Babysham
chaser?
-Tom Daley in his tiniest
costume?
-The ability to up light a
room with a single soft
tone light bulb?
SG: Anything with Tom Daley.
Tom Daley, the construction
guy from Village People and
DVD of Weakest Link with Anne
Robinson.
We’re so team Anne
Robinson. We’d give
anything to hear her tell us
we’re weak, that we need
punishing, that we’ve been
naughty, to sit in the
cupboard… 10/10
TGUK: Your look seems to
consist of glittery jackets,
are you channelling Liza
Minnelli?
SG: Love Liza! Do you know
how much that jacket cost? I got
it off a cruise ship. I was
thinking about getting it in
different colours. When we were
shooting the video I didn’t think
it was bright enough so I added
a boa.
The only other person who
has a catch phrase from
Big Brother is Nicki “Who
Is She?” Grahame and look
at her now. You go
Showbiz… 6/10
TGUK: Champagne is?
SG: Something we called in
Showbiz a mixer.
We call it breakfast at
TGUK Towers. 7/10
TGUK: Who is your
favourite Kardashian?
SG: Kim… That butt. I don’t
know any of the rest of them,
there are so many of them.
You’re right there’s so
many of them – every
seasons they add another
K. It’s like us on the
clubbing scene circa 2004.
5/10
TGUK: You said you wanted
to be the next Maggie
Thatcher discuss?
SG: God, why did I say that? I
think she was a strong character
and she wore a lot of blue
suits…
Practically twins. 8/0
When in doubt add
feathers – it’s always been
our motto. 10/10
TGUK: Was shouting
“Showbiz” at everyone on
that first night of Big
Brother a stroke of
marketing genius or a
mistake?
SG: I call it Genius Marketing
Mistake. It was me with lots of
new people I went into
hyperactive showbiz mode.
People shout “Showbiz” at me in
the street.
TGUK: Who would play you
in the movie of your life?
SG: The construction worker.
10/10
There you have it. With a
score of 72/100 Simon
Gross proves he has what
it takes to live a Showbiz
life... Liz a, Champagne and
Maggie’s suits!
THEGAYUK | ISSUE 17 | DEC 2015 13