Articles
I Don’t Wanna be the Chosen One...
thirty feet in the air (but never
over small fences!), I’m forced
to go on a quest to return
order to the kingdom? Why
not get the puckish rogue to
do it? He has special powers
and a ranged attack! I’ve got a
sword - I’m more likely to stab
myself with it for the love of
whatever gods we worship!
But nope - it’s never up to the
rogue, the witches, wizards
or even my two best friends.
I have to be a big damn hero
and lead them towards certain
doom because some drunk
old woman ‘foretold’ it. And
what’s her deal anyway? She
can foretell my arrival, but the
asteroid the size of Portugal
heading right towards us
was a surprise? It’s been on
a collision course for untold
Issue 62 • December 2014
millennia, yet my birth was
predicted down to the second?
I call shenanigans on this whole
thing! My evil uncle should
have killed the old psychic
before offing the old man, not
leaving it until she’s had time
to write down every detail
of my mother’s birth canal.
Sure he’s evil and abusing
his power, killed my parents
and tried to do the same to
me, hates everything I hold
dear and made a pass at my
best friend - but that doesn’t
mean my uncle’s a bad guy...
If you were watching your
livelihood being dismantled
in front of your very eyes, the
army he himself served in as
a mighty general, but knew
that weakening the country
opened it to invasion, wouldn’t
you try your hardest to stop
it? Fratricide aside, who even
cares who runs a powerful
country? Nobody, so long as
they’re afraid of the person
in charge. Sure, working hard
is it’s own reward and that
faff - but gold, power and
babes are a better reward.
I mean, how many goody-twoshoes have awesome outfits
with spikes on them? And
cool looking swords? Why do
the good guys never live in a
sweet castle filled with death
traps? When was the last
time Mr Hero got to order the
slaughter of a hundred peons?
So basically what I’m saying is
- I don’t want to be the chosen
one: I want to be the villain.
17 • GameOn Magazine