What do I want to say? There are so many vague half-formed
thoughts chasing each other around as I sit down to write. And
now, hundreds of words and tens of unconnected sentences
later, I give up. Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak! There. That
should summarise the chaotic mumble-jumble in my head
quite nicely.
(Some mercy for the poor Ed who has to deal with nine such
articles.)
Life, in general, is not easy for an oddball. I've always retreated
deep within myself when things got difficult and watched carefully from my protected
little hollow till I regained my grip. But I've changed in some unquantifiable way over the
past three and a half years. From a bumbling fresher who hid behind a shell to the weary
senior I've become, I've grown. That's the thing about Pilani. It'll seize you by the scruff
of your shirt and repeatedly whack you against a wall till some sense is hammered into
you. And, well, it took a little longer for me than it does for most others.
“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
Attributed to many but made famous by Far Cry 3 antagonist Vaas, the above quote
reflects much in life.
A random wingie abusing everyone and their dog at 2 AM the night before an exam
because they didn’t study. Your sidey, attending every lecture but sleeping throughout.
Your roommate, attending every lecture but playing games on his phone all through. You,
on the day before your first compre, swearing to yourself that you’ll definitely go for
classes from the next sem, and then subsequently not attending beyond the first week.
And the n hoping to do well.
Insanity.
Some people tell me that Pilani is a harsh place. It is tough to manage. The food is bad, the
teachers don’t care, the grading is horrible, you have no life. The most appropriate
response that instantly comes to my head upon hearing this is a quote by Cuban American
author Anaïs Nin “We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.”
The biggest problem, or the greatest asset, one can have is their mindset. Admittedly, life is
tough. You may not realize it, but it is tough for everyone. The important thing is to keep
going. I shall cite my own example to enunciate.
The first ambition for most psenti-semites is to get a job. A month into the semester, I had
sat through, and failed at, more interviews than the rest of my wing put together. The most
I've loved and hated Pilani in equal measure. It's been more than a home; it's been a
sanctuary. Weather, people, isolation, the whole package. You learn to handle all types of
people: the dutiful ones to the crazy ones, the fake ones to the quiet ones, and the happy
ones to the jealous bitchy ones. At the end of it all, when you take out those old bottles
and packets lying at the bottom of your trunk, and see that they're past their expiry date,
that it's really been that long, that years have just flown by, and that it's now over, the
mind gets overwhelmed. It's been a long, twisted journey, complete with its ups and
downs and blind corners, and with it's own share of accidents, mistakes, and wonder. I
don't feel any wiser. I don't feel older even. All I know is that I will trudge on into the
unknown future knowing that I can get through, because that's what Pilani really teaches
you.
So go on those random trips where you might get lost. Experiment. Let go of things that
are not meant to be. Stay up all night, talking for no reason. Cast off all your shackles.
Because when you're done, all you'll be left with is yourself, a few photos, memories that
will always bring back that pang of longing, and a million stories retold with a smile—
“When I was at Pilani...”
desirable companies had arrived and gone, and despite giving a
few good interviews, things hadn’t worked out. It is in times like
these that perseverance, determination, grit, and perhaps most
importantly, faith, are essential. Believe in yourself. Maintain a
positive outlook. There is a reason behind everything. In quite a
few situations in life, you cannot control the outcome. Try
something different. Work harder, to the best of your abilities,
and have faith that things will fall into place.
Human tendency makes us suckers for immediate gratification, and no matter how many
times anyone tells you the monologue given above, you will find it hard to digest. But trust
me, it is true.
A week into the next month, I finally got a job. Couple of days later, I tore a muscle in my
ankle, effectively throwing a wrench into many plans that I had for my last semester on
campus. But well, that’s life. It will often put you down, just to see how tall you can rise.
Have faith, everything happens for a reason.
A month later, an open company arrived on campus for the first time for recruitments.
And soon, I had an offer from one of the biggest consulting firms in the world.
At times, all you need to do is try something different.
Pilani is a happy place. Confidence came from surviving the all-nighters, the procrastination
and the never-ending evaluatives. It grew exponentially while winning the swimming
Check deadline.
championship, performing for a thousand BITSian ears on Music Nite and moving from a
Procrastinate.
six-point-someone to an eight-point-someone.
Panic.
The first few days on campus might have been rather terrifying – the daunting spiral of
Write article.
departments, classes and making a home of Meera Bhawan. The elders were right, it's only
Create new e-mail.
the people around that matter. Only the people make this campus survivable. The C'not
Attach document.
dinners, the countless Pizzeria and Cruncheez wing order-ins, the ANC umbrellas, the free
Send to editor.
food for Lights after every show, the batchsnaps, the marathon coding during ICPC, South
I've hardly ever executed this rather common English Press Park with Pragya, backbenching in 5102, looking at the stars from C-Lawns. I can't be
Club process. This would be the first of my written work in grateful enough for the incredible conversations and the endless laughter.
The Fine Print since early 2012. Being a designer has its perks.
Seven semesters is a long time. People have changed, the campus has changed. Good times.
The years with this wonderful group of people have been fulfilling, to say the least. The Bad times. One learns so much in this place, it's unimaginable.
issue formatting sessions that nearly touched dawn, the eternal love for folding, the fest The first day in Pilani is as vivid as last night's cup of tea at Food King. But the person that
press booths and of course, APOGEE editorship. Responsibility, challenges, Rebreather, entered those gates has grown in inexpressible ways.
editorials, juggling AEP with Mithali (Dream On!). There is so much of the APOGEE Pilani will be missed.
English Press 2013 that is blurry. But that glimmer of success will never fade away.
Oh well. At least there's bacon on the other side.
If one begins to draw parallels between one’s life in Pilani to
actual life, the happy haze that was first year, the enthusiasm of
the second, one can only hope that end is as soft in real life as it
has been here. Times here have been incredibly nostalgic,
forgiving and kind.
Pilani can be a very funny place. Arrival on campus in the odd
semester of 2012 brought to attention two curiosities. One, the
Shankar-Vyas bridge, constructed in a record 15 days by the BITS
Workshop, from that point forth connected two points that were
crossed far more easily without using said bridge. (The mystery of the continuing existence
of the bridge has perhaps only been trumped by the existence of the Pentagon towers)
Coupled with a hint of construction in the gigantic pit which slowly turned pond, these were
early signals of a new academic block. Does anybody else find the nomenclature of NAB
silly? The building may be maintained impeccably for generations to come, perhaps but
surely its newness shall not be retained for long. Won’t the renovation of the older block
make them newer? See lawns? No more lawns. See hole? No more pit. See block? It’s NAB
and no, it’s underground. The second wonder of the Pilani world at that point was the ERP
system. The first trial during registration was carried out in that semester. By the time that
the first successful trial of the ERP was held, FD-6 was already housing the computers in
which the process was being conducted. Pretty ironic, considering that ERP was introduced
for reducing inefficiencies. Yes, Pilani is a curious place.
Time moves slowly in Pilani especially when attaching a file using g-mail. As the blue
progress bar inches to meet its end, one marvels at how quickly the years moved by when
time was moving so slowly. For a place that was supposed to have educated me for four
years, my memories of it seem relatively simple, hail in March, Spring- flowers, Summershowers. Looking back, certainly makes you wonder whether it is rightly said that although
you will remain a BITSian forever, it is Pilani that you will hold dearer.
I can't remember the last time I wrote an article for EPC.
As I write this, I imagine the amount of thought that has gone
into psenti articles in the past including the carefully crafted
hitchhiker references, the delicate mentions of cherished
memories and the subtle deliverance of sagely advice that is now
almost customary. Now, if a psenti article is supposed to express
my feelings as I leave BITS, then I might as well write gibberish.
On the other hand, if I were to give advice to 'younglings' about
life, I'd caution them with the same word applicable to my
feelings (gibberish). Finally, if I were to dedicate this article to my
favourite memories, I'd imagine that would actually be more
confusing than entertaining to most.
I can however choose gratitude as the less patronizing option. I feel priveleged to have been
in the company of people who make me feel dumb. I feel grateful for the conversations and
relationships I've had. Most importantly, and perhaps a bit underrated, I feel satisfied with the
few years I've spent here.
Maybe all of this goes over one's head without more explanation. I'll risk repeating myself a
tad too much by suspecting you consider this gibberish. But in truth, there are so many
thoughts in my head (or so few) that it is hard to describe my last few weeks on campus. In
fact, a major thing in my mind right now is that I needed to have submitted this article a few
hours before and that writing an article on my phone in general compartment of train is
difficult.
Am I heartless and ungrateful for thinking this? If I was, I wouldn't care about that answer
and if I wasn't, I'd probably still not care because I knew I had a heart. A first year recently
told me she was incredibly psenti that ‘Oasis’ got over. I felt nothing.
Isn't it justified to concede a lack of emotion for a college as a whole or a fest? It's impossible
to factor in all the good vs bad and come to a logical conclusion. That said, it's highly
probable that I just don't feel anything now. Seniors repeatedly mention they're longing for
everything BITS, and I might just be on that twirling path. So for now, I'll end my 400 word
limit article by fulfilling a wing request from Atin, Vishaal, Shaurya and Akshay.
So long and phuck the fish.