AWKWARD .
Some part of me felt I didn ’ t deserve to see the inside of a New York publishers office . Doubleday said no . We never sold the yoga book . And I never cold queried any agents about that book or my memoir . If the agents and editors who ’ d met me didn ’ t want any of my projects , how could a cold contact lead anywhere ?
Despite getting encouraging feedback , I wasn ’ t persistent . Also , I ’ d choked in that New York meeting .
Which meant : I wasn ’ t ready .
Finding the story I had to tell AKA “ Don ’ t you dare tell me not to tell it .”
I got married . My husband encouraged me to give up my copywriting job and focus on my memoir full-time . I didn ’ t quit completely , but I reduced my workload with gratitude and a little guilt .
Then my grandmother died . I ’ d grown up with her , and in my grief I was left to sell her house and arrange care for my elderly uncle who ’ d been living with her . I didn ’ t know how to do these things .
My husband and I decided to adopt a little girl from India , and everything went wrong . I spent over a year in India fighting for her , only to have to let her go . I didn ’ t know how to do that either . I stopped writing . For months , just getting out of bed felt like an accomplishment . My husband and I decided to try to adopt again . Slowly I started writing the story of everything that had happened in India . We adopted three toddlers in quick succession , and I lost ten pounds chasing them around . I wrote during preschool hours or after they went to bed . I started blogging , knowing I needed a “ platform ” to sell my memoir , but I wasn ’ t good at it . I decided to focus on the memoir .
I wrote a book proposal for the memoir of our failed adoption and hired a professional writing coach I trusted to review it before I sent it to agents . She told me the book would never sell , and that I was wasting my time .
“ Maybe it could be an essay ,” she said .
Her words felt like a sucker punch . I cried , and then I got mad . Looking for a sign that I should continue with the book , I entered a Pitchapaloozacontest at a local bookstore and won . The prize was having Arielle Eckstut of The Book Doctors review my proposal and introduce me to an agent . Arielle offered clear advice and warm encouragement on making the proposal better , but I held off on the agent contact . A writer friend wanted to send my proposal to her agent , and I thought it should be an exclusive submission . My friend ’ s agent turned it down , explaining the book needed to have a more emotional depth if it was going to work . I knew she was right . I started rewriting the proposal and the sample chapters to reflect that . I wasn ’ t there yet , but I was finally fixin ’ to get ready .
The writing is the hardest part AKA “ Susan Orlean told me to start over .”
I signed up for an online memoir course with Kelly McMasters through Media Bistro , and took the class three times . ( Sadly , MB no longer offers the course .) I had one hundred pages of the manuscript complete , and I was proud ! I decided to kick things up a notch by finding a really good master class to hone the material , so that I could start approaching agents with my proposal and partial manuscript . Kelly loved what I ’ d written so far and thought I could get a deal before the book was completely written . That sounded good to me . Thanks to Google , I discovered the world ’ s most amazing writer ’ s conference : Sirenland , founded by Dani Shapiro , her husband , Michael Maren , and writer Hannah Tinti . I couldn ’ t believe it ! Dani ’ s memoir Slow Motion was one of my favorites . I wanted Dani Shapiro to help me with my book ! I needed her help !! I applied to the conference assuming I wouldn ’ t get in . Plus who would take care of my husband and kids while I ran off to Italy ? I had no idea but I applied anyway .
I got in . My husband urged me to attend . My mother-in-law offered to come and help with the kids .
Sirenland is a week-long conference held at one of the world ’ s most beautiful hotels , La Sirenuse , in one of the world ’ s most beautiful places , Positano , Italy . I was gobsmacked . And I was assigned to Susan Orlean ’ s nonfiction workshop . Susan is one of the most charming and witty people you will ever meet , not to mention a brilliant writer , but after reading the first 20 pages of my manuscript , she told me something that was hard to hear : You can ’ t tell your story this way . Now just because a famous writer who ’ s had Meryl Streep