As I cruise into my 69th year on this third rock from the sun , life is nothing like I thought it would be a decade ago .
As he talked , he stuffed pretend people into a pretend pillowcase and pretended to drag the heavy bag around the circle . He continued , “ They are heavy — so heavy . They slow us down . But we keep them in this pillowcase so we can stop every now and then , turn around , and hit them with a baseball bat ,” again acting out the scene . I can still see him with his pretend bat beating the pretend people in his pretend pillowcase .
He finished by putting down his imaginary pillowcase full of people , dropping his imaginary bat , and saying , “ Walking away from the weight of them can be very freeing .”
Weber . As I read this paragraph , I started to understand the real benefit , the true freedom of A-3 .
Releasing the old is just that — releasing . We don ’ t have to focus on forgiveness . We can simply accept the concept that people are flawed , people make mistakes , and we are all people . Then we can just let go . We can drop our pillowcases and walk away lighter . That is all I want for my birthday this year : to be lighter and snuggle with my very new grandson , who is due on my birthday .
That was almost 40 years ago , and I can still see him . He had red hair and a red beard . I don ’ t remember his name , but I will never forget his face and the lesson . That memory is how I realized I could apply A-3 to all life situations . Resentments are heavy , but we can put them down and walk on .
Resentments had to be the heaviest after the Civil War . Families were torn apart , and brothers fought brothers . But in the end , we all had to abide by the Peace Treaties . We took the win — peace . There is little chance the powers that be will ever say sorry for your loss .
I have also watched relationships form and shatter in the cannabis community over the past decade . This journey out of prohibition in Missouri has not been an easy row to hoe , and resentments have grown here like the rocks that infiltrate our soil .
Over the past few months , as I have embarked on this journey of release , I have been reading a book my sister gave me , ironically , almost a decade ago . Pastrix ; The Cranky Beautiful Faith of a Sinner & Saint , by Nadia Bolz-
“ New doesn ’ t always look perfect ... New looks like reconciliation between family members who don ’ t actually deserve it . New looks like every time I manage to admit I was wrong and every time I manage to not mention when I am right . New looks like every fresh start and every act of forgiveness and every moment of letting go of what we thought we couldn ’ t live without , and then somehow living without it anyway . New is the thing we never saw coming — never hoped for — but ends up being what we needed all along .”
Dolores Montgomery Halbin , RN , BSN , and Ordained Nurse Minister , resides in SW Missouri . After her husband passed in 2015 , she retired from nursing . She worked with the 2014- 2018 Missouri campaigns for legalized medical marijuana . She continues as a cannabis reform activist volunteering with Canna Convict Project and working toward Federal decriminalization through educational speaking and freelance journalism . Dolores Halbin , doloreshalbin @ gmail . com .
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