The EVOLUTION Magazine JUNE-2023 | Page 49

pocket and putting it in my coffee cup holder , any more than I was aware it was on the bathroom floor at my kid ’ s house .
In July of 2021 , the old roach and Dave ’ s jacket were once again featured in The EVOLUTION Magazine , “ How the Traveling Flat Roach Nearly Got Me Burned .” I wrote about that traffic stop , and the two-hour search of my car , resulting in the old roach taken into custody along with a pack of rolling papers , four delta , and eight gummies . It makes me sad that the old roach saw its final days in the Kansas Crime Lab . It deserved better .
I Have to PEE
I wasn ’ t arrested in Kansas that day , according to the young cop , “ due to your age , your qualifying condition , and you do not seem impaired .” Truth , I think they were done hanging out with me after two hours of educational lecturing interspersed with , “ I really have to pee ” and “ I am going to wet my pants .”
Six months later , I was charged , and warrants were issued for possession of marijuana and paraphernalia , which is so outdated I had to teach spell check that it ’ s a real word . The case ended in a plea , they dropped the marijuana charge , and I got six months of unsupervised probation for the rolling papers .
Your good friends will bail you out of jail . Your really good friends will both take you to jail and hang around to make sure you get bailed out . So , thank you , Clay Stallings and April Hatch , for dropping me off at the Olathe jail where me and Dave ’ s jacket — with no roaches in the pocket — surrendered on the two warrants and for bailing me out a few hours later .
MISSOURI RESIDENTS , BEWARE !
Missouri will not extradite on any misdemeanor charges from other states — except for cannabis . If you get busted in Kansas , don ’ t think you ’ re safe just staying out of Kansas , you are far more at risk . Missouri will hold us for extradition , even on a misdemeanor , until Kansas sends someone to fetch us . I know . They tried to arrest me at the family farm ’ s big house , but I wasn ’ t there . I ’ m not sure I would have lived through the Barry County Jail for ten days awaiting extradition to Johnson County , KS .
Alas , The Final Chapter of Dave ’ s Jacket .
Over the weekend , I helped friends move out of their home for the past 20 years . I ’ ve done this many times now , and when it comes to clearing out a house real-estate ready , the same rule applies , as does the bar at closing time . You don ’ t have to go home , but you can ’ t stay here . I help by taking all the unwanted stuff and re-homing it .
This move included some very cute , spiked heels ; an entire large black plastic bag full , which I chucked into my backseat . Also in the backseat was Dave ’ s jacket for the chilly mornings we ’ ve been having .
Since I live so far south , and I was going back the next day , I stayed the night with my friend April in midtown . Around midnight , I went to get my overnight bag from the car . As I stepped out onto her porch and my eyes focused in the darkness , damned if there wasn ’ t someone in my car .
“ Hey , Lady , There ’ s Someone In Your Car !” The guy in my car yelled as he exited the driver ’ s seat .
“ Yea , there ; you ’ re in my car , dude !” I yelled back . Followed by my plea , “ Please , don ’ t take my stuff !”
About that time , April grabbed me by the back of the neck and pulled me back into the house , reminding me , “ People carry guns !” The last thing I saw was the guy running off between the houses with a bundle in his hands .
A little while later , we went out to assess the damage . I had stopped on my way into town and picked up an ounce of flower for a friend , forgot to drop it off , and left it in the console ( stupid ), along with my new vape pen .
The Stilettos Got the Last Word
As I opened the car door , spiked heels poured out of my car . They were on the floor , on the dashboard , and in both seats . Evidently , he had grabbed the untied trash bag and pulled really hard on it . I take some pleasure in knowing my thief got clocked in all directions by stilettos .
The flower and pen were gone . But that wasn ’ t the real loss . The real loss was deeper . Much deeper . My thief wrapped everything in Dave ’ s jacket and ran off with it . For me , that jacket had become more than a jacket that belonged to a dear friend ; the jacket had become my friend . It was a tough loss .
An Ounce of Prevention
I keep hearing my oldest cousin George ’ s voice in my head from the years he parked his camper behind the big house all summer . “ Don ’ t you know the Lord ’ s Prayer ? The last sentence ? ‘ And lead us not into temptation ...,’” he would admonish me . “ When you go off and leave the house unlocked , if someone robs you , that ’ s on you . Now lock the damn doors !”
My bad . I should have locked my car . It ’ s a lesson for all of us . Human beings can easily give in to temptation . An ounce of prevention , and maybe you won ’ t lose an ounce of flower .
“ Maybe he needed a coat .” That ’ s all Dave would have had to say about it .
Dolores Montgomery Halbin , RN , BSN , and Ordained Nurse Minister , resides in SW Missouri . After her husband passed in 2015 , she retired from nursing . She worked with the 2014-2018 Missouri campaigns for legalized medical marijuana . She continues as a cannabis reform activist volunteering with Canna Convict Project and working toward Federal decriminalization through educational speaking and freelance journalism . Dolores Halbin , doloreshalbin @ gmail . com .
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