Fast forward , slowly , to 2022 . My husband had been gone seven years . I was on assignment with The EVOLUTION Magazine covering the SOCO Hemp Conference in Nashville , TN , which we can all agree would be an unlikely place to meet a Gypsy Palm Reader , there to free my husband .
How this series of events occurred could be nothing but Divine Intervention — I don ’ t get enough words in this column to tell that story .
“ You have to let your husband go ,” she told me . “ Until you do , until you forgive him , he is stuck . Call it ‘ The Waiting Room ,’ if you will , but he is stuck there , and he cannot move on to Higher Heaven . You must forgive him so you can grieve him and let him go .”
“ Damn , Honey ,” I thought , “ I Gene and Dolores mean , yeah , I was pissed about the basement . I was pissed off about a lot of things . I guess I still am . Mostly I ’ m just pissed that you ’ re gone . But not enough to keep you out of Higher Heaven , wherever that is !”
As it turns out , according to this amazing Gypsy woman , “ We can put off grief a long time with anger .”
I took her advice . The near impossibility of our meeting , the things she knew about me , about him , about us , were things she had no way of knowing in the realm of science .
Gene and I had lived a life completely off the grid . We had a natural gas well , a water well , and a smelly garden in the basement , so off the grid included friendships . We didn ’ t have any . His life depended on his garden , so we lived isolated in the middle of our forest , and we were as happy as the frogs in the pond with just each other . I remember two years earlier , when my mom died , looking at my husband and saying , “ Don ’ t ever leave me , ever . I won ’ t have anyone to talk to . You and Mom are it , and now she ’ s gone .”
However , since my husband ’ s passing , I have become surrounded by a tribe of amazing women , something I neither expected nor experienced in my first 65 years of life . So I did what the Gypsy woman told me to do . I had a ritual . I invited these women to the farm for a bonfire . We nearly burnt the house down , but I ’ m assuming Gene was still around to help with that .
We wrote him letters and burned them in a sacred ceremony under the stars on his birthday , October 22 , 2022 . He would have been 69 . They wrote letters telling him they would always be here for me , and they have been . I am not lonely . The women in my life make sure of that .
It is important to understand , however , that there is a big difference between lonely and aloneness .
I had true love , and true love never dies . I ’ m just waiting it out and trying to live a life of aloneness with joy and purpose , believing what she told me : He will be waiting for me when I cross over .
I wrote , Dear Husband ,
I forgive you for the damn basement , although it was an asshole thing to do . I accept your apology and , once and for all , let it go . And while I ’ m at it , I promise to let go of all my anger at losing you . I will just let go . And so should you . I could certainly be an ass at times too .
What happened to you , to us , it sucked !
I will never stop missing you . I also know I ’ ll never love again . I ’ ve always known that , but the Gypsy woman confirmed it . She said for me , just be grateful I had true love . Not everyone finds it in this lifetime .
I am so very grateful for you , for us , and for the twenty years of beauty living in the forest . What a gift ! So , go ! Go on to Higher Heaven , Honey , and do whatever
Archangels do . Just please , keep our children and grandchildren safe .
I love you . I always will . You were the air that I breathed . On the days I feel like I can ’ t breathe , when I miss you too much , I promise I will breathe anyway . The Gypsy woman said you will be waiting for me at the gate on my arrival .
So , until then , see you later , alligator . Love , Wife
Dolores Montgomery Halbin , RN , BSN , and Ordained Nurse Minister , resides in SW Missouri . After her husband passed in 2015 , she retired from nursing . She worked with the 2014- 2018 Missouri campaigns for legalized medical marijuana . She continues as a cannabis reform activist volunteering with Canna Convict Project and working toward Federal decriminalization through educational speaking and freelance journalism . Dolores Halbin , doloreshalbin @ gmail . com . February 2025 47