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As the years went by, I realized how much my child did not relate or enjoy “girlie” things. Refusing at some point to wear skirts, dresses, and becoming more and more frustrated by the conversations that were happening in the classroom regarding what was boy and what was girl. My inner feminist thought, “wonderful, she can be any type of girl she wants, and doesn’t need to be defined by social conventions”. Many times, my child would come home from school and just cry, and when my husband and I would ask what was wrong she would say, “it’s nothing”, and we were left at a loss for how to help our child. We were worried about what was happening. On paper we had a great life, and we provided our child with everything they needed.
I asked them the dreaded question about why their friend had called them “he”. My child went on to tell me that in his mind he knew he was a boy, he didn’t fit in his body, and didn’t have the words to explain that in his heart he was a boy. He said that his friend had always assumed this, and always referred to him in male pronoun, and he chose to never correct him because it felt true to him. In that moment, all of the puzzle pieces fell into place! Although I was scared about what this meant for all of us, I knew that he was telling the truth. I knew that he needed me to believe him, to truly see HIM, and that more than anything he needed me to love him. My husband also felt that our support and love was essential, and so began our gender journey.
I felt nervous, and alone. I want to stress that accepting my child as transgender was not difficult for me. I believed him! I had experienced it with him, but I was very aware that there were many people who would not feel the same. This was what scared me about this journey. I was afraid for his future, and what types of discrimination or harm would he face! I was worried that the world would not change fast enough to allow him equal access to public spaces, or safety at school. I was worried about his ability to get a job, whether he would find LOVE!! How could anyone not love my sweet, extremely loving, and charismatic boy?! He was only eight, and I was already preparing for the worst! I felt massive guilt, and fear! I had given birth to this amazing child, and his future looked scary and out of our control. It felt so unfair to me!
We went the first eight months doing research on Google…boy, that can get messy! I read statistics that were horrifying. We felt alone and scared for our child. When we read that more than 46% of all transgender people have attempted suicide my heart sank. When I read that 75% of homeless youth were LGBTQ my heart sank even further. When I was pressed by a friend about what I was going to do about bathrooms, I knew that I was out of my scope of understanding. I just knew that I couldn’t go back on my support for my child. He needed me, and I needed to do more. It wasn’t until May of 2016 that I was introduced to another TRANSparent. I had written a comment on a friend’s Facebook post explaining what I had been going through, and they told me they had a friend that she wanted to connect me to. I immediately
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"We thought we had a happy, healthy child and we were “winning” in the parent department…boy, oh boy was there a plot twist headed our way."
In the fall of 2015, I was at my child’s school dropping off classroom supplies when a classmate referred to my child as “he”, I looked at my child and they just shrugged. I went home and immediately spoke with my husband and told him what had happened. It was something that we had seen in little glimpses without fully understanding it, and even while typing this now it seems like an over simplification of all we experienced and the countless conversations we had had privately. We were afraid to ask our child about this or ask if this was something they were feeling because we were worried about confusing our child or influencing them in any way. Yet, we were seeing consistent and persistent behavior, and knew that it was something we couldn’t avoid. Later that day when I was picking up my child from school
"I was now a mother to a transgender child, and I had no idea what I was doing!"
If you were to see my son and I at the mall or walking down the street you would never know he is transgender!! He is just a normal boy who loves to play mine craft, beat on the drums, and talk about all the crazy things Stampy Cat and DanTDM did in their latest YouTube videos.