Mommy to A Special Gift
( JOURNEY AND TIPS FOR MOMS WITH AUTISTIC CHILDREN)
By Shaunte L. Sparks
A year after I had my first child, I began working in the Special Education Department of Montclair High School as a paraprofessional / certified substitute. I worked for the District for five years. There is where I was bitten by the bug to teach / educate the youth.
Montclair was my training ground for working with children diagnosed with what we then classified as Asperger’ s Syndrome to those diagnosed with Dyslexia, ADD, ADHD, ODD, and various other learning differences. After I entered my master’ s program at Seton Hall, I took a leave of absence from work to complete my clinical practicum. Upon returning, my position at MHS was no longer available and I was reassigned to an elementary Autistic classroom that practiced ABA Therapy. I fell in love with the students immediately. I learned so much from them, as I taught them how to regulate certain behaviors.
Nine years later, after my sonshine was conceived, The Most High began to reveal things to me about the child I was carrying. I didn’ t quite understand it, yet I questioned none of it. I accepted what I was given / shown and prepared. When Elysha was born, I knew immediately he was different. I just couldn’ t place my finger on the how.
Elysha was a fast learner. He studied every-thing. None of this behavior halted as he began to stim in various ways: vocal, oral, and visual. He absolutely refused to allow me to brush his teeth. He would brush up against furniture or squeeze through tight spaces. We had to watch him like hawks! He felt compelled to chew everything. Though he had a proclivity to chomp crunchy and salty things, he failed to fully transition to stage 3 foods.
As Sleep Deprivation became my new name, I began to feel like a failure as a mom. I tried everything! Advice. Books. Researching sleep training methods. Setting the atmosphere: essential oils, soothing music, soft lighting, chamomile tea in his milk, singing and dancing him to sleep; but to no avail. I became angry! Why was this so hard? What’ s wrong with my baby? What’ s wrong with me?! Everything I did catered to this little person. He was demanding yet gentle. Possessive, yet sweet. Brilliant yet ever so confusing. What was this?!
After many tears and prayers, I accepted that much of what I witnessed with my son wasn’ t new to me and turned to Early Intervention Services. At 18 months, Elysha was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder. At 4 ½, Autism. Truth be told, I cried the day his report was finalized. Here I was again in unchartered waters. By. My. Self. Yes, I had family and friends but no significant other to navigate through this with. I was scared and overwhelmed.
Eventually, the epiphanies I had were: I did nothing wrong. There is no-thing I could have done more or less of to circumvent this. Everyone won’ t understand my style of parenting and / or discipline, and that is a-okay. This journey isn’ t / wasn’ t about getting to a place to fix Elysha, it was about letting go and allowing myself to be transformed through the process.
I grieved the life I felt I lost. Then, committed to an authentic prayer life surrounding my son. I allowed Abba Father to lead me to the right resources, to teach me how to advocate for him. He showed me why I needed to extend grace to my son and then, to myself. He taught me why I needed to be and how to remain consistent in my own self-care. He taught me to define and enforce boundaries, respectfully. Lastly, Abba showed me how loving my son right, would ultimately lead me to see / love Me properly.
Every man is our teacher; children included. Be discerning of the lessons your special gifts were sent to teach you.
Wishing you more …
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