Reflecting on a Mother’ s Love: Appreciation, Forgiveness, and Reconnection
B y: T a s h e n a M i d d l e t o n
In 2020, I had a hysterectomy due to chronic fibroids wreaking havoc on my body and making my life miserable. Due to unexpected complications( through no fault of the doctor), a three-hour laparoscopic procedure turned into a nine-hour invasive surgery. Besides being a very emotionally painful time in my life— having to accept that I would never have biological children— I also endured a difficult recovery period after an 11-day stint in the hospital.
My mother cared for me at my home for six weeks post-surgery like I was an infant— changing my bandages, helping me bathe, and cooking my meals. When I was able to move around a bit, I would join my mother in the living room to binge-watch“ Bahamas Life” on HGTV. By the time my mother left, we had watched the entire five-season series! That is time I will treasure forever. It was just my mom and me, reconnecting. During this painful experience, God gave me beauty for ashes( see Isaiah 61:3).
You see, several years earlier, my mom and I went through a rough patch, and I didn’ t think our relationship would ever be the same. When my surgery occurred, we were not quite back to our norm. The truth is: I still harbored unforgiveness in my heart toward my mother about things that she said and did not say during the rough patch. But God used my surgery and what I consider that“ sweet time” with my mother to remind me of the truth: My mom loves me! She wasn’ t with me out of obligation; I was still her baby girl. I gained a greater appreciation for my mother and saw her, maybe for the first time, as more than my mother. She was my friend.
Also, I accepted that my“ shero” mother is not perfect. Neither am I. Neither are you. I think children( even adult children) sometimes expect our parents to be perfect and hold them to higher standards, often unrealistic ones. Parents make mistakes, and sometimes those mistakes hurt deeply. But I think that much of the misunderstandings and hurt we experience in relationships is due to the clumsiness of being flawed human beings, not borne of a desire to willfully hurt each other. I have not been a perfect daughter, and no doubt, I’ ve done and said things over the years that hurt my mother’ s feelings, too.
The reality is that we all need grace and forgiveness extended to us at times. God is the Ultimate Source of grace. And the act of forgiving flows from that grace. Because Christ lives in us, we can extend forgiveness to others and reflect God’ s grace. Even if you believe the hurt someone inflicted on you is intentional, try to remember that“ hurt people, hurt people.” Forgiveness doesn’ t mean forgetting or condoning the wrongdoing, but rather releasing the emotional burden that unforgiveness causes us to carry. Forgiveness requires us to let go of the offense and opens us up to healing and reconciliation. Moreover, the Bible is clear: we must forgive.
I encourage you to take time to reflect on your relationship with your mom. If there is something unresolved between the two of you, can you view the issue through the lens of empathy and allow yourself to understand her perspective? Has she done things for you that you haven’ t appreciated? Is the offense more valuable than the freedom of forgiveness and the possibility of a deeper relationship? I pray that you find your way to appreciation, forgiveness, and reconnection with your mom as I did with mine.
P. S. Happy Mother’ s Day, Ma! I love and appreciate you as a mother and a friend.
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