Why Married Couples
BATTLEOVER MONEY
By Jarvis M. Brunson
For many married couples, finances can easily become a major cause of many, if not most, marital irritations. A small handful of couples are willing to openly communicate about their financial frustrations and issues.
On the other hand, a majority of married individuals don ' t recognize what the true problems really are. For these individuals, a seemingly minor problem can turn into a major issue and, in some instances, culminate in a break-up or divorce.
Here are some hot button issues that can cause tension in a marriage, and some solutions that may need to be consider before they blossom into a host of irrevocable thorny problems.
Financial Inequality
It’ s a rarity to find a married couple that meet at exactly the same financial period in their lives, earn exactly the same money, have exactly the same savings and debts, and build their lives together on exactly the same page. So it stands to reason that financial inequity can be the root of resentment and even jealousy.
One person can be left feeling that they have contributed everything to a onesided relationship, and the other may feel unworthy of their better-off partner.
Solution
If you are in this for the long run, then who brings what to the table is for all intensive purposes irrelevant. Maybe one spouse earns more money, but the other likely adds value in non-monetary fashions.
If a couple decides that they believe keeping their finances separate will keep the marriage together and limit the possible financial tension, then invoking prenuptial agreements may be a way for each spouse to feel more self-justified and protected from the other’ s assets( or lack thereof).
Money Management Madness
One spouse may be better equipped at managing the day-to-day finances than the other. In this scenario, it ' s not uncommon for the spouse who ' s managing the money to find themselves saddled with paying the bills, the mortgage, and making sure all the checks balance at the end of the day.
This approach can foster a sense of undo pressure for the person who handles the finances, while making the other spouse feel in the dark and locked out of their financial lives.
Solution
In order for both parties to feel comfortable with the finances, both need to be informed even if one person manages the family finances. To assist in this process, have a financial meeting once a month to review and discuss the current family financial situation. This meeting can be used to educate the other spouse about money management and an opportunity for the couple to strategize about future financial goals and objectives.
Also, this is a great time to review all accounts, passwords, and pins, and other financial details. In the event that something happens to one partner, the other is not left in the dark as to how to even begin maintaining the finances.
Addiction
Vices can be the most destructive on a relationship – financial and otherwise. Addictions like alcohol, gambling, shopping, or even compulsive cheapness can be devastating in the long run.
Solution
Depending on the level and type of addiction, more often than not this won ' t be something you can deal with on your own. Addictions often require outside help, in the form of intervention, counseling, or even just a trusted friend with perspective.
Financial Abuse
Financial abuse occurs when one spouse uses money as a way to have power over or manipulate their partner. This is typically the case where one spouse works full-time and the other works simply part-time or stays home with the children. The lower wage-earning spouse may add more than sufficiently to the relationship in other ways but may still be made to feel less worthy and degraded in asking for money to manage the household or live on.
Solution
Incidences of financial abuse usually stem from a previous history of abuse, whether financial or otherwise. The abuser possibly doesn ' t comprehend what they are doing, and the abused may compound the state of affairs if they have a similar history which leaves them predisposed to that set of circumstances. Financial counseling is the way to get around these issues. Even if the abused person seeks help by themselves, they may be able to learn coping mechanisms that can keep the relationship alive.
Merging two lives is no small task, and when money is involved, so too is a set of discriminating emotions, previously programmed actions and reactions, and two entirely diverse financial histories. Uniting the two calls for lots of communication, dedication, and willingness of both parties to learn, change, and adapt.
Remember the part in your wedding vows which stated "... until death do we part." It did not state " until DEBT do we part." Whenever possible, do your best to make the process of managing finances enjoyable, positive, and most of all LOVING.
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