behaviour. Depression can make men avoid social situations, become cynical, indecisive and irritable, or it can make them desperate (consciously or subconsciously) to get away from the family unit – often this involves working very late at the office – something which surely all men would do in order to provide for their new family.
Sometimes depression can be overlooked as the cause for excessive alcohol consumption, drug use, extramarital affairs and even violence. But again, for all these sorts of behaviours, there are often other causes – so it is very difficult to say with any certainty that it is postnatal depression.
Experts and healthcare professionals have differing views on why men get postnatal depression. A psychotherapist I talked to thought that lots of men are very jealous of their new baby – most wouldn’t admit this, or even be aware of it – but the close and sometimes exclusive relationship a mother has with her child is one that some fathers struggle to accept. Sometimes negative feelings surrounding a new baby will stem from something that happened in a father’s own upbringing – a father’s relationship with his own mother or with his siblings will affect how his own relationships with his wife and child pan out. Above all, experts and parents agree that becoming a father (or a mother) is an enormous, life-changing experience. The pressures that come with becoming a parent are huge, the responsibility of caring for and providing for a life can be overwhelming – this is on top of the physical demands that a new baby brings –ed as well as mothers?
so really is it any wonder that fathers get depressed as well as mothers?
One of the more controversial views I have encountered is that of renowned French obstetrician Michel Odent, who believes that some men are too fragile, emotionally and physically, to be in the delivery room when their baby is born. He regards childbirth as strictly ‘women’s business’ and he has seen a significant number of men become physically ill to some degree after witnessing the birth of their child. He is also keen to point out that he has only seen postnatal depression in those men who have been at the birth, and believes that the recent custom of having fathers present at childbirth has not been thought through.
Certainly in the UK there is distinct lack of provision for fathers in an already stretched maternity service. Prenatal and postnatal healthcare is, quite rightly, focused on the mother and baby, but many professionals feel that there is a need to include the father in a mother’s care. After all, the mother and father will, in most cases, be a parenting team
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