Both medical care from their awesome midwifery team, as well as emotional and mental support, from us all. It's quite an ordeal and there is a lot of processing that happens following a fast birth in general, this one, A LOT of processing. They both had the additional opportunity to continue to demonstrate courage as their baby required some additional observation and treatment at the Children's Hospital. During their stay, about a week, they both showed the true nature of courage. It's quiet, at it's core, a resolution to do what's necessary even if you're scared or worried.
E and A
Adoring, I arrived at their home, which might as well have been a tree house, it was actually a loft apartment above a garage in a beautifully wooded Seattle suburb. All the windows were placed specifically to look out at the large forested property it was perched on. I was met at my car by the property owner’s dog, and she led me to the loft, like Lassie to the well. Seated to her left, he was happy. She was comfortable and smiling, but not for long! Very quickly after I arrived her contractions almost doubled in length and seemingly in strength as well. He whispered in her ear during her contractions. It seemed to me to be prayers of gratitude for her and her body, of his enduring love for her, prayers for her comfort and strength. It was not long before we moved to their birth center. It was a relatively short delivery, which may seem ideal, but has its own set of challenges because all the same work must be done and everything just happens faster. She was profoundly comforted by his voice in her ear and she rarely made a peep. Any words that did escape her mirrored the tone of gratitude he was setting. It was a peaceful, reverent, birth.
comforted by his voice in her ear and she rarely made a peep. Any words that did escape her mirrored the tone of gratitude he was setting. It was a peaceful, reverent, birth.
C and S
Attentive to her mind, body, and spirit. This warmhearted partner read softly to her as she rested between contractions from a book that she had read before, and they were considering naming their daughter after one of the characters. They wanted to re-read the story during labor to make sure that when their little one inevitably asked "why is my middle name Jellybean", the book could be referenced or read without any concerns for appropriateness. And so their unique labor routine was born. Reading in between contractions, holding and comforting her when they came. When I arrived, I joined in this literary labor dance by sitting quietly against the wall as he read to her while she sat on the birth ball, and supported her back as she nestled into his embrace during each contraction. Even once we arrived at the hospital, and until he was hardly able to get a sentence in, he continued to read her the story that would eventually become a part of their daughters name.
S & D
Flexible. Now there had been two deliveries prior to this story, both of which I also attended, so I could likely write a book about this family, but I'll keep true to my paragraph rule. This seasoned daddy had to wear several hats throughout this labor, because he still had two other children to be aware of. I swear this is a true story; I am aware of the fact that it sounds a little too idyllic, perhaps stolen from an episode of "Little House on the Prairie", but it did happen. In the middle of the night...as is customary...I was called to join them. Their two older girls had been asleep for awhile, and mama had been laboring with her husband running interference and making sure that all his girls had what they needed. Once I arrived, we labored without interruption till the early morning hours, Daddy was steadfast in his support when needed, and would occasionally excuse himself to check on the sleeping babes. He knew that mama would feel more comfortable, that her mind would be free to focus on the baby in her pelvis, if she knew that the other girls were alright. When the midwife arrived, labor picked up speed quickly and their 3rd daughter joined the family at home, with her sisters sleeping less than 10 meters away. Mom and Dad had a few minutes to focus on this new addition to their family before the sound of little feet and a very curious big sister peeked into the room. Daddy was quick to respond, guided her sweetly to the bed and lifted her up to meet her new baby. She adored her for a few minutes, and then she realized that her other little sister was still asleep. It felt like a Christmas morning. She hopped off the bed and we all waited, giving her the opportunity to wake her sister and guide her in, holding hands, to meet their new baby. Then the whole family crawled up into the bed together and fawned over their beautiful gift.
I hope that what I have demonstrated here is that there is no ONE way to provide support in labor. Your unique personality, the dynamics in your love relationship, your understanding of birth, the circumstances that surround you, the additional support you have with you (whether it be a doula, family, friends, midwives, nurses, doctors), the specific mental, emotional, an physical needs of the laboring woman before you, they all come together to create the story of birth that will eventually be told. I don't honestly know how often fathers are asked to share birth stories, but I know that mothers will tell this story no less than a thousand times. Women who are now grandmothers still tell me their birth stories. I love that our birth culture has evolved from the days of the red tent, when women were cast away. We passed through the inclusion of fathers at midwife attended home births. Through the industrialization of birth, which evicted fathers and anesthetized mothers, essentially evicting them as well. And we are now working on leaving behind the patriarchal ideology that "coaches" should bear the whole burden of support on their own shoulders, having probably never witnessed a birth before. We are beginning to recognize that it is possible and important to have it all. While I would love to have the opportunity to teach every family the in’s and out’s...pause for laughs...of birth, in person,
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