Dads! Why YOU Are The Perfect Partner During Labour & Birth
By Kristin Dibeh
Women are the root of birthing, but the support role (especially when provided by a loving partner) is an elemental part of the whole families experience. I want to offer you a particular focus on the role of the husband/partner during labor and birth. Of course, the Mama's in these stories could easily have volumes written in homage to their strengths too. As a doula, I often have a front row seat at one of the most intimate and important events in a family’s lifetime, and it is not a privilege that I take lightly. I do my best to be mindful of the intimacy and the role of the family in the birth process and work around, what appears to me, to be sacred between them. For example, if the laboring woman wants her partner to be the one who is pushing on her back, or have hands on in general, I will be quietly doing my best to meet other needs and create the space for those hands to give the most comfort possible.
than you probably think, but it's not knowledge that is inherent for most anyone who has not attended quite a few births in a care-giving role. Your confidence, especially when she knows that you understand labor, is extremely comforting. You also have one very specific advantage over any other attendants that will be present. You know her better. With time and some practice, you will be an expert on her body: where she holds her tension, what relaxes her, what causes her stress, what comforts her, how she likes to be touched, and much more. When you combine some education about the physical, mental, and emotional process of giving birth, with your intimate understanding of your wife’s/partner’s body, mind, and spirit, you will likely find that the beautiful woman giving birth to your baby, and your idea of a your own role and experience of birth will be uplifted.
I'll get the ball rolling with my own experience.
Mark and Kristin
Trust. My memories of my labors are few and far between these days, 18.5 and 16 years ago. But some things never fade from my memory. I remember feeling Marks hand on me...not massaging me, I just remember the comfort knowing he was there. I'm sure I remember it in part because I still ask him to put his hand on me...on my hip or my waist when I need comforting. In labor when my eyes were closed and my contractions were demanding all of my attention, I remember feeling his calm, warm, relaxed, sensual energy. I remember his voice, somewhat distant it seemed, but there. I also remember the voice of my mother, reminding me that she had brought me a maple bar (my childhood, Sunday afternoon, post unicycle club practice, favorite) but that's a story for another time. Mark's voice was calm, he was relaxed and happy, which made me feel like it was all going to be alright. He was close to me, hands on, and confident. He pissed me off a couple times too...though in retrospect I wasn't necessarily being rational...he brought me a bowl when I said I thought I was going to be sick. Seems reasonable perhaps, to those who don't know me. I am irrationally afraid of throwing up, phobic even, and bringing me the bowl felt like a confirmation that it WAS going to happen. What he believed, I believed. When he was relaxed and confident I felt that...when he confirmed that I might get sick, that reality scared me. It's a testament to how vulnerable we are to the power of suggestion in labor. His hands ended up staying put, on my hips, until it was time for them to receive our baby. Oh, and he hid the bowl behind a pillow, giving me the ability to trust that I would be alright, which I was.
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